At first, it seemed like a non-question, whether we should run this week's cover story. Sonja, with her usual game candor, wanted to. Knowing a good story when I read one, I wanted to. Her readers, who have persistently bugged us about her long absence from these pages, would at last have their explanation, although not one they expected. No question, go with it.
But things are rarely that straightforward, especially when you're dealing with a subject like date rape. We quickly realized that there were some pressing secondary issues. Well, one, mainly: exploitation. After all, we've been perfectly content to benefit from Sonja's sexy, flirtatious personality. We've run her intimate columns—although they are about life and self-empowerment as much as about sex and dating, it's the juicy ones people remember most. We've published racy pictures of her. Did we exploit her? Sure, in a consensual way—both parties got what they wanted, everyone was happy and no one got hurt.
Now Sonja's been hurt, and we're conflicted. She believes, and we agree completely, that there's a public-service aspect to running this piece. Date rape is entirely too common and too commonly unreported; one woman relating her story, plainly and in public, may help other victims get out from under any perceived stigma that they asked for it. To that end, we determined to present her story as forcefully as possible.
But, we can't help wondering, are we exploiting her once again, her anguish this time? Isn't it part of our job as editors to occasionally protect Sonja from her worst impulses?
The first is probably an impossible question. That's certainly not our intent, nor is it Sonja's perception. She truly wants to relate her story for whatever public value it might have. Still, there are tens of thousands of possible answers—namely, yours. Each of you will decide for yourself if we did the right thing.
As for the second question—protecting Sonja from herself—I can't think of anyone who'd bristle at that suggestion more than Sonja. She's a tough cookie who's fought hard for her independence. I doubt she'd take it kindly if I draped my arm over her shoulder and said I know what's best for her. I think I'd emerge from that encounter singing alto.
In the end, what Sonja's about—why I think so many readers connect with her—is living her life with a volatile combination of vulnerability and fearlessness. That exposes her to a maximum of heartbreak, as regular readers know, but it also guarantees a huge variety of life experience—good, bad and, as in this case, very ugly. As a result, hers is a life lived pretty intensely, open to new experiences and having the most fun possible. As opposed to so many of us, who are clenched into our safe routines and comfy habits. And she's willing to share what she learns, in this case to make it clear that a woman can be sexy, fun and teasing, and still have the absolute right to say "No." That's why we ran the story.