BLACK BEAR DINER. No ersatz, art deco-laden phoniness here—you know, when they're trying way too hard to "re-create" the diners of old?—just the authentic, easygoing diner experience. Ultragenerous portions of real-people food, friendly servers, comfy booths and tables, everything from Elvis and Sinatra to all manner of '50s-'70s pop on the CD jukebox. Go during off-peak hours—between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, or for a late-evening snack—to pig out and linger in peace. What's so refreshing is it's not trying so hard to be a diner. It just is a diner. (Corner of Tropicana and Jones, inside the Smith's Shopping Center. Call 368-1077.)
SUPER SUMMER THEATRE at Spring Mountain Ranch State Park. Nothing says summer like sharpshooting, liplocking and windmill-tilting. Add music and stir to get Annie Get Your Gun (June 9-26: "Anything you can do, I can do better"); Kiss Me, Kate (July 14-31: "According to the latest report, every average girl you know / Much prefers her lovey-dovey to court when the temperature is low / But when the thermometer goes way up and the weather is sizzling hot / Mister Adam, for his madam, is not"); and Man of La Mancha (August 11-28: "I am I, Don Quixote / The Lord of La Mancha / My destiny calls and I go!"). Staged amid the evening cool-down and against the gorgeous backdrop of Red Rock Canyon, there's no cozier way to cap a summer night than under the stars in front of live actors performing three of the best-loved musicals in Broadway history. (Call 594-7529.)
SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING at the Las Vegas Municipal Pool: Stroke, two, three, four! Breathe, two, three, four! Get yer friggin' hand outta my eye before ya get a mouthful of chlorine, two, three, four! Why not take a synchronized swimming class at ye olde watering hole? Ya never know when the next Esther Williams will resurface, Hollywood will come-a-callin' for background swimmers and you'll have the skills to make you a retro-star! And besides that, it's fun. Or, if that's not quite your thing, try the pool's water polo instruction—a fabulous sport, if you can keep your horse's head above water. (431 E. Bonanza Road. Call 229-6310.)
ANY PERFORMANCE OF CELINE DION'S A NEW DAY. Need a place to really chill out? This Caesars extravaganza has all the warmth of an ice floe.
UNDER THE MISTERS AT CASHMAN FIELD on a scorching hot day (if the 51s are winning, that's bonus-cool): You can't truly appreciate the concept of cooling off until you've baked to a crisp, which is alarmingly easy to do at Cashman. But find yourself a spot underneath the stadium misters that spritz fine droplets of moisture onto your four-alarm skin and you'll know nirvana. Under a broiling sun in mid-July, it is the Shower of the Gods.
THE COFFEE PUB. Tucked discreetly into the recesses of West Sahara Avenue, this longtime power spot for celebs and business titans is also just plain cozy, with a relaxed, genuine-cafe feel and an outdoor dining option under umbrella-shaded tables. You'll feel like a country squire. (Call 367-1913)
PELT YOUR BOSS with water balloons: Unemployed cool.
IMPERIAL PALACE POOLSIDE HAWAIIAN LUAU. Mai tais, pina coladas, tiny umbrellas, enough exotic island food to give any obnoxious Atkins advocate a stroke, a Polynesian revue, a "fire-knife dance," some dudes called The Drums of the Islands and hula lessons? Twice a week all the way through September? C'mon, paleface. Get your stateside butt on in here.
DEEP IN THE HEART of a Las Vegas Weekly editor. The coldest spot on Earth.