They both play guitar. They both have beards and pretty hair. And they both supplied rock anthems that defined generations: "Footloose" (coked-up vacuity) and "Bawitdaba" (vacuous crack-heads). But between Kenny Loggins and Kid Rock, who can truly claim rock god status?
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Kid Rock: Pam Anderson backstage at VH1 Divas at Radio City Hall Music Hall
Loggins: Second wife Julia was delivering a colonic (Highway to the danger zone!)
Edge: For the first time in his career, Kid Rock wins by virture of good taste
Kid Rock: Robert James Ritchie
Loggins: Kenny Loggins
Edge: Kenny, because Kid Ritchie sounds like a Harvey comic-book character
Kid Rock: Romeo, Michigan
Loggins: Everett, Washington
Edge: Being from a town named after a famous lover is better than being from one named after some guy we've never heard of
Kid Rock: "You've Never Met a Motherf--ker Quite Like Me," Cocky, 2001
Loggins: "All the Pretty Ponies," Return to Pooh Corner, 1994
Edge: Kid Rock, because innocent childhood is a thing of the past, right, beyotch?
Kid Rock: Marriage, what's that?
Loggins: 1992 wedding began with wedding party in the nude
Edge: Kenny, though we're sure if Kid had made it to the altar, a stripper pole would have somehow been involved
Kid Rock: Kidney Rock from Osmosis Jones
Loggins: "I'm Alright" theme from Caddyshack
Edge: Kenny's frat-house anthem has stood the test of time; Kid played one of several kidney stones in a really, really, really bad cartoon.
Neither. Much like the way the current presidential race is splitting this great land in two, so were the Weekly offices divided on who better deserved a place in the rock 'n' roll pantheon. But unless an electoral college steps into the fray, we're declaring this one a draw. Now, as soon as both sides clear the wounded and dead from the lunchroom, we can all get back to work.