THE DREAM ZONE |
with Lauri Quinn Loewenberg A mouse was living in our house. Someone calls me and we decide I have to kill it. I don't want to because it's become part of the family. So the person tells me to make a small cut in the mouse's skin and place it in a tub so the blood will run out and it'll die a painless death. Just as the mouse dies, my family walks in and I have to explain. Suddenly, I'm remorseful because it was just a sweet mouse.
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I've read your column for awhile, and I could use some of your guidance.
For 10 months I've been in a love-hate relationship. We both had our downfalls, but I felt she never gave me a break.
Now, after being separated for a month, I decided to stop talking to her. Even though I hate her for some things she did and still does, it hurts. She was one of my best friends in those 10 months; now there's an emptiness. That, coupled with worry about my job security and looking for another job, my two musical projects (one of which seems to be drowning in its own apathy), worries about money and school and everything else, it seems like too much. Tell me there's some good news beneath this entire rumble, please.
Dear BL,
The phrase repeating in my mind is, "Your music will set you free." She was only supposed to be in your life long enough to allow you to trust yourself. That's why the relationship ended the way it did. You have too much going on in your life to have any type of romantic liaison right now and though you were supposed to get a glimpse of what it feels like to connect with someone sublime, this is not the right time for you. Stop hating her for opening your heart—that was her gift to you.
I see your rest-of-your-life relationship in three years. (Your immediate response is probably: three years?) I want you to take the most evolved reflection of what she inspired in you—the "love" part. The relationship is over, but the impression of you being greater than you thought you were is the emotion to concentrate on. Those feelings go into your music—not the hate-generating type of some of today's music.
Write your love song. Make it the next "Losing my Religion" (R.E.M.) or "Yesterday" (The Beatles) or "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" (Green Day). Each of those songs is about a soul's transformation. You must look at your experience with this woman, your life, and your angst as if it all has meaning—because it does.
Please pay attention to what you're dreaming. Keep a journal of your nightly adventures, as it's a source of inspiration for you. And lastly, forgive yourself for behaving badly in that relationship with your former girlfriend. That is, after all, what is upsetting you the most, the fact you let someone into your inner sanctum and it didn't work out like you hoped. The quicker you release the suffering part of your life, the quicker you'll realize that this had to happen for you to experience the appropriate depth.
I am a 41-year old woman. I have not done very well in the relationship department throughout my life. I would really like to be in a relationship, have a partner and a companion. I've been seeing a man I met at work for about a year now. We've had our ups and downs. I believe we really care for and love each other. Right now, we're apart. We broke up four days ago. I'm carrying him in my heart and can't seem to stop thinking about him. What do you see for us? Do we stay separated? Or do I need to stick it out with this man? If so, what, specifically, do we need to work on (or what do I need to work on) if we're going to patch things up?
Thanks for any help you can give me.
Dear HFL,
Stay removed from the man at work because you have two new men coming into your life—one in March and one in April. Make sure you have as little interaction with your co-worker as possible. He's not The One.
Note to readers: My book, Chancing Life, Wisdom in a Dice Toss, is now exclusively available at Vegas Beads, 3480 Spring Mountain Road, 452-3237.
Mona Van Joseph is a licensed professional in the psychic arts. E-mail questions to [email protected].