Fish-out-of-water stories and road-trip tales are hardly virgin cinematic ground. The latest to put his Lugz down on the turf is Ice Cube, star of edgy urban comedies like the Friday and the Barbershop series. And you can't get much more out of water than to drop Cube into the Pacific Northwest, nor more trippy than to confine him in a car with two bratty kids.
Cube is Nick, owner of a Portland sports memorabilia store, whose main interests are his tricked-out Lincoln Navigator, women and "blingage." He's counseled by a talking bobblehead of legendary pitcher Satchel Paige (Cube's Friday co-star, John Witherspoon).
Despite Satchel's warnings, Nick's bachelor code is forgotten when he eyes Suzanne (Nia Long), a beautiful event planner—and single mother of Lindsey and Kevin (Aleisha Allen and Philip Bolden). The kids still expect their father to return any day, and fight off suitors with every wile they can muster. For her part, Suzanne doesn't see a lot of potential in the love-struck Nick either, and prefers to keep him in the friend zone.
When Suzanne is called up to Vancouver, Canada, for work and her babies' daddy flakes out yet again, Nick volunteers to drive the kids up to meet her for New Year's Eve.
It's at this point you can hear the agents for the four—count 'em, four—writers say, "We're on the road to non-top hilarity and high jinks!"
The story's outcome is never in doubt from the first celluloid flicker. Nick will realize the importance of familial love over material possessions. Suzanne will see the potential for love and loyalty in Nick's heart. The kids will learn the true meaning of fatherhood. With all of that assured, any enjoyment has to come not from the destination but the voyage there, and in this the movie is only partly successful.
Most of the cast does a fine job, though Jay Mohr as Cube's friend and business partner seems drugged, and Cube's comedic talents are unquestionable. But the script is so bad, with every predictable gag telegraphed, that adults aren't going to find this an enjoyable trip and will likely find themselves having to tell their children to stop fussing or the car is going to get pulled over.