The scariest thing about the new thriller Hide and Seek isn't in the movie; it's the posters, which have acting legend Robert De Niro and 10-year-old Dakota Fanning sharing equal billing. While they may technically play equally important characters, it's frightening to see how far De Niro has fallen in the eyes of pop culture, deemed just as capable of bringing in audiences as a kid whose last movie co-starred Brittany Murphy.
The most terrifying thing in the film is the way De Niro phones in his performance to such a degree that he's actually outshone by that little girl, generally a shameless overactor whose performance here remains mannered and artificial, if a little subdued. None of the intended scares are scary, and many elicit unintentional laughs that are bigger than the intentional ones in recent De Niro comedies Meet the Fockers and Shark Tale.
Hide and Seek is formulaic all the way, with De Niro as psychologist David Callaway, whose life is turned upside down when his wife kills herself. David takes his traumatized daughter Emily (Fanning) and moves to a small town where he hopes the two can start to heal some of the wounds of the tragedy.
Of course in horror movies, it's always a bad idea to move to a big, secluded house, and soon Emily is playing with her imaginary friend, "Charlie," who mysteriously opens windows and moves objects, before graduating to more grisly acts against David.
Everything else follows suit in a tired, by-the-numbers fashion, right up to the overhyped plot twist that you easily can see coming if you're still awake. De Niro wasn't, sleepwalking through his performance and undermining why he was put in a crappy horror movie to begin with: great acting. Anyone could have played the role, which saps whatever limited appeal the film gained from his presence.
Fanning, whose performance consists of never, ever blinking, is suitably creepy, and it's surprising no one thought to cast her in this sort of role before. She's already plenty scary when she's supposed to be a cute, little moppet. If you're really looking to be terrified, skip this film and rent Uptown Girls instead.