Thanks to some intrepid reporting by the staff of the Weekly, we've uncovered the transcript of this e-mail exchange between Donald Trump and his first ex-wife, Ivana Trump.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: WTF?!
Saw the papers today. What are you doing?!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: WTF?
I'm spending some down time at the Ivana Great Barrier Reef.
DONALD: You bought the Great Barrier Reef?
IVANA: No, silly. It's the name of a luxury project I'm involved in, in Queensland, Australia.
DONALD: Damn. I kind of wish I had bought the Great Barrier Reef. Hmm ... Maybe Trump's Great Wall of China? Or the Trump Pyramids? But that's not why I'm writing. Do you realize I'm breaking ground this week on Trump International Hotel & Tower, in Las Vegas?
IVANA: Yes, your new little condo.
DONALD: Woman, do you realize how big a project Trump International Hotel & Tower is for me? It's 64 stories! It's almost 1,300 units! It's $500 million. It's sold out. It's going to be awesome, and then I hear you're trying very pathetically to steal my thunder, to ride my coattails. So I ask you again: What are you doing, announcing your own condo project in Vegas the same day? It's unfair. It's rude. It's ... obscene.
IVANA: It's just good business, dear. Las Vegas is the entertainment capital of the world. I'm an entertaining woman. It's a perfect fit.
DONALD: You clearly didn't know anything about business when we were married. I can't imagine that's changed.
IVANA: I'm more on the meet-and-greet end of this project. At least my company hasn't gone through bankruptcy.
DONALD: It was a reorganization. And don't change the subject. The name is terrible. The Ivana—The Supertower? Are you kidding me? Is that what you're going to call this thing?
IVANA: Where did you read that?
DONALD: USA Today.
IVANA: Well, no wonder. No, dear, it's going to be Ivana Trump Las Vegas.
DONALD: I have to admit, that's the first time the thought of a building with my name on it has turned my stomach. Look, you and your Aussie developer friends should have stuck with the original name, The Summit. I don't appreciate you stealing my name like that.
IVANA: It's my name.
DONALD: You're not a name, Ivana. You're a headline. That's what the papers are saying. They say Victor Altomare and Josephi Di Mauro had a project that was about to fall apart and needed some headlines to jump-start it again. And they found you.
IVANA: Oh, OK, Mr. Walking Self-Promotion.
DONALD: You don't understand. The Trump name—that would be my authentic Trump name, not your dubious Trump name—is a brand. People respect it because it means The Best ™. I can't allow you to dilute it. I have Trump properties all over the country. Trump towers and Trump casinos, Trump hotels and Trump golf courses. I even have Trump University, where young entrepreneurs can get a superior business education.
IVANA: Oh, yeah, you're little online correspondence school. How's that going?
DONALD: You watch ... it's gonna be huge. Bigger than Harvard.
IVANA: But not bigger than Ivana Las Vegas, sweetie. Mine is going to be 923 feet. Seventy-three stories. $700 million.
DONALD: 923 feet? Ha, it'll never happen.
IVANA: Just watch. My top floors will be able to look down on you and your penthouse views.
A longer delay between messages...
DONALD: Well, we could have gone higher with Trump International Hotel & Tower, you know. We could have gone much higher.
IVANA: That would have been disastrous with your design. Ivana is all beautiful streamlined curves. It's sophisticated and alluring. It's me. Your tower is like a cheap gold watch—and it's a rip-off off the Mandalay Bay, to boot.
DONALD: Trump International Hotel & Tower will be beautiful, I assure you. And you're one to talk about copying, you name-taker. I can't do anything without your shadow chasing after me. I write a book, you write a book. I do a realty TV show, you do a realty TV show.
IVANA: Ratings have been falling on your show, haven't they? And look, while we're on the subject, how did you let Jen from Season 2 even make it to the Finals?
DONALD: She was ... um ... tenacious. Bold.
IVANA: You mean curvaceous and blond. Come on, The Donald, she was petty.
DONALD: Well, what can I say? She reminded me of you.
IVANA: That hurt. You know, like my website points out, I strive to promote leadership and motivation through my work and image. I serve as a role model for women everywhere.
DONALD: Yeah, well, as my website will have you know, I'm the archetypal businessman—a dealmaker without peer, and an ardent philanthropist.
Another pause ...
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: PS
Buy the way, what do you think of Las Vegas?
From: IVANA
Where? Oh ... right ... the condo thing. The heat is a bit much. I guess I don't really like the place.
From: DONALD
Yeah, me neither.