Lance Malone: guilty. Duly noted. Let's move on.
Andre Agassi, to our dismay, says he won't heed calls to run for Congress. Too bad; America needs a strong return of serve right now (although, if you read the foreign press, it seems our backhand works just fine). And this just in: It's hot!
So much for the news, sports and weather. Time for the funnies:
"I want to get beyond the rhetoric," Southern Nevada water queen Pat Mulroy told the R-J last week.
"I'm a straight-talker," state Sen. Dina Titus said this week, announcing her campaign for governor, "and that's what people like."
"I'm a very plainspoken person," added university system Chancellor Jim Rogers.
Getting beyond the rhetoric. Straight talking. Plain speaking. The heat really is taking a toll.
Rogers' remarks came as he continued his noncampaign for the governorship by bashing his undeclared opponent, fellow Republican Jim Gibbons.
"Jim Gibbons frightens me," the chancellor told an interviewer on News ONE, definitely getting beyond the rhetoric. "I don't think he's very bright. I really don't. I don't think he's got very many great leadership qualities."
Wham! It was a damning indictment, since low intelligence and flaccid leadership are liabilities that usually prevent a politician from attaining any office higher than president.
Back to Titus, dateline Fantasyland: "Part of the message of this campaign," the new candidate said, "is that we should be one state, not liberal versus conservative, not rural versus urban." Yes, right after we end world hunger and find homes for all the abandoned kitties in the world. We here at The Information are all for being one big, united state, of course, as long as no singing of "Kumbaya" is involved.
But we suspect your embrace of one-stateism depends on a lot of factors—for example, which end of the proposed rural-water-sucking pipeline you live on.
To soothe rural nerves, Mulroy will tour some of Nevada's cow counties to explain the difference between a water grab (bad) and Las Vegas taking their water (perfectly acceptable!). Or, to quote the morning paper: "Mulroy said her mission will be to ... reassure residents that their water will be protected." We'll just keep it nice and safe down here ...
Meanwhile, the Sun tells us the heat wave may last until mid-September, which guarantees a minimum of 120 more news stories about how hot it is. To help the city's journalists and headline writers get beyond the rhetoric, here's a helpful list of synonyms for hot and heat: "calescent," "enkindled," "incandescent," "scald," "smelt," "thermogenic" and "burns like Lance Malone's conscience." Use that last one only when the temps rise above 120.
Let's Do the Math! |
+1 Lance Malone found guilty in San Diego corruption trial, upping expectations that the sequel will open big in Las Vegas.
+1 County Commissioner Woodbury proposes ban on new golf courses until they use more gray water.
-2 I perspired through two shirts just typing this item.
-1 R-J reports Nevada fifth in amount of time employees goof off on the job: 2.7 hours a day. Now subtract time staff of "The Information" spends Googling selves. New figure: 1.1 hours.
Final Score
-1
A Quote that Wouldn't Fit Anywhere Else |
"Also on the list of time-stealing habits: conducting personal business and 'spacing out.'"
Thursdays with Oscar |
We attend the mayor's weekly press conference so you don't have to
July 14, 2005
Themes: Music, hyperbole, good manners.
Summary: For his opening act, Mayor Oscar Goodman brought out a cast member from Las Vegas Little Theatre's Sin City Serenade to do a vampy piano number, which got a sitting ovation from the few reporters present. Then he outlined his recent activities as chief soundbite-provider, hosting reporters from The Washington Post, The Denver Post, The New York Times, The LA Weekly, ESPN Magazine and Las Vegas Life. Music was a recurring theme, with Oscar praising the Red Hot Chili Peppers' concert as "loud and exciting" and burbling over his role as a narrator in a Las Vegas Philharmonic performance. No meeting between Goodman and the press is complete without bold, ear-opening statements. This week: He vowed to catch Sin City Serenade, "probably a Sunday matinee, so at least I'll be able to remember the next morning what I saw"; of the fact that only five of the 47,000 who attended the Chili Peppers show were arrested, he said, "I don't think there's another city in the world that can make that statement. And while evil reporters tried to get Goodman to criticize University Chancellor Jim Rogers for his rash statements on medical center funding, the canny Goodman outfoxed them by sticking to an if-you-can't-say-something-nice policy. "I'm not going to criticize Jim Rogers," he said. Maybe next week!
Scott Dickensheets is a Weekly writer at large. Give him crap (or cake) at
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