PSYCHIC VIEW: Suspicious Mind

Dear SG,

Your relationship with your wife is interesting in that you both married each other while under the "wow-you're-so-perfect" spell. That "spell" usually lasts for the first six months to a year that you're dating someone. The two of you did such a great job molding your personalities to be exactly what you thought the other one wanted you to be and it's only now that you get to experience the real personality/nature of your spouse.

What you are seeing is your wife's true nature. She would not have been the one you would have married (I think she subconsciously knew that), so she pretended to be exactly what you would fall in love with. You did a bit of this too, although because you're writing me first, I'm taking your side.

To ease your thoughts about an alleged affair, I don't see that in the cards. I do see, however, that because she's not the same warm and fuzzy gal you married (this is her true self, remember), you're thinking that there's someone else. There isn't someone who would take your place, however, I do see that she is struggling with "meaning-of-life" issues.

I don't see the two of you breaking up. This is an opportunity for the two of you to really be in love with each other by loving what you see in her right now. I want you to simply view this as the final challenge that brings your relationship back to that loving state.

Even though I'm on your side here, I just want you to remember that sometimes we gals like to hang around the house in a ratty T-shirt and shorts with no make-up—you know, camping in the house with a real shower and running water. When you were courting, I see that she catered to you and in turn, that allowed you to soften your more critical side. Now that she's more herself (i.e., she's not trying to impress you), you've concluded that there must be someone else. I want you to inspire her to want to get your attention.

Start with the physical/intimate arena—twine your hand in hers, lean in really close and let your breath tickle her ear and say something really sexy to her like, "It's been a while, you know." It will really help if your breath is sweet and you're wearing the aftershave she likes. Don't kiss her; just pretend that she'll be the one to surrender first. From this moment on, I want you to act as though you are irresistible to her—because in the beginning of your relationship, you were absolutely irresistible to her. Send her a text message on her cell phone that says, "You know you want me." I want you to use that creative mind of yours to lure her attention back to you. Make this fun. Place little notes in her car, leave messages for her on the bathroom mirror and make this a game of strategy.

Here's the secret that exists between you and your wife: She was attracted to the fact that you initially didn't show interest in her. You were a challenge to her. Go back to your natural demeanor and transfer it to a little pillow talk. Don't be so concerned that you feel a little distance right now; if you consistently do as I suggest and really act as though you're the most desirable man on the planet, she'll respond, I promise. It's very important that you allow her to initiate intimacy and I want you to act detached until she does. She absolutely loves this game.