THE DREAM ZONE |
with Lauri Quinn Loewenberg I'm sitting under a white tent, holding a small, sickly gray bird in my left hand and in my right hand, a lively, teal-colored bird, which is squirming and trying to leave. Suddenly, the tent collapses. After a desperate struggle, I finally get out with my birds.
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After 10 years of being with someone I thought was going to be there for the rest of my life, he decided he wanted a divorce, so we went through all the legal stuff and we're now divorced. Among the things we're still going through is the home we purchased five years ago. I've been working with a lender to refinance it so I can make it on my own.
Will this be over soon for me? Will I be able to finally put an end to him and me and find some peace and happiness without him? The last six months have been a struggle emotionally, and a lot of sleepless nights. What do you see/sense for me? And is there love out there for me? I hope you write me back with comforting words.
Dear Want it Over,
I know you're not quite there yet, but this divorce is the best thing that could have happened to you. What a loser; he gave up the best love he'll ever know (that's you, darling). Even though this is emotional, you need to know that his leaving was your sign to find someone who would really be there for this life's journey. That's the attitude you must adopt right now.
You'll be married again within the next two years to a wonderful man. Don't drag your feet about getting this divorce finalized. In the meantime, start thinking of yourself as the attractive, loving, smart and witty woman you really are. Your ex-husband didn't have the depth to really appreciate you.
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Dear Mona,
Two years ago I met a very charming, smart co-worker whom I saw infrequently. A year later we finally went for dinner. Everything was fine until I called him back a week later and he gave me the brush-off. That same evening we had dinner again at my insistence. The first thing he said was that getting involved with him would change me forever. I thought that was rather arrogant but let it go. Things became more intense. I refused to go home with him that evening. I saw him once more but was once again the target of his "my-way-or-the-highway" behavior. I never saw him again after that evening and luckily managed to avoid him at work. He contacted me several months later but I quickly made clear I didn't want to see him.
I'm still reeling from the whole thing. He was very charismatic but was also probably the creepiest guy I've ever met up close. Intellectually, I know I saved myself a lot of grief by not giving in to his demands, although I desperately wanted to. But emotionally, I still find myself wishing he had been different to the point of obsession. I'm seeing a good therapist who has been very helpful explaining why we are attracted to certain types of people, but I feel stuck in my life and more afraid than ever that this is a pattern of men and behavior (my own) I'm doomed to repeat for the rest of my life. Maybe you will see hope where I don't?
Dear DNTMO,
Why can't you get over him? Because if you did his bidding, you wouldn't feel guilty about trying the things you've secretly always wanted to try. What you are feeling for this man is lust. The only thing you want to do with this man is sleep with him. It's precisely his oddness that excites in you what you haven't (yet) reached with any other lover.
Yes, you're changed by this short-term interaction. You want a man who's absolutely confident with his energy. You want a relationship whereby you can completely surrender sexually. And though you didn't really care for most of his quirky personality, you really did want to sleep with him.
Talk to your therapist about how you repress your sexuality and you'll discover why this co-worker was so attractive.
Mona Van Joseph is a licensed professional in the psychic arts through the city of Las Vegas. Her show, Midnights with Mona, airs weeknights on KDWN 720 AM. You may e-mail questions to [email protected].