THE INFORMATION: City Journal

Except for old people voting on school-funding measures, Nevadans obviously believe children are the future. "We do everything we can to protect our kids," said City Councilman Gary Reese. In this case, he wasn't talking about shielding Ward 3's little shavers from, say, gangstas or the budget priorities of Senate Republicans. No, he's concerned about 12,000-square-foot drugstores devoting less than 10 percent of their floor space to alcohol, those evil bastards!

Under a proposal by Councilman Michael Mack, such stores would be exempt from the law requiring most booze outlets to be 400 feet from schools, churches, day-care centers and parks. Clearly, shortening this distance is a risky idea. "It is important to continue to protect the integrity of our child-care centers," Councilman Lawrence Weekly said. Agreed; closer than 400 feet, such stores would be within easy crawling distance of toddlers with fake IDs, those evil little bastards! For the moment, though, Weekly is keeping an openish mind; Lois Tarkanian is already against it. "I think we should be maintaining our standards, not lowering them," she said.

Wait, who says it has to be one or the other? Which brings us to the Legislature, a group with much experience maintaining lowering standards. As of press time, they were still tasering the budget into submission and talking to death such obviously child-friendly measures as all-day kindergarten. It's the no-brainiest of no-brainers: When you add up the advantages of all-day kindergarten in terms of accelerated cognitive development and cheap baby-sitting, it seems like a wise investment in the future. Remember, today's kindergarteners are tomorrow's cranky retirees voting against school bonds, so let's take good care of them.

Youngsters could certainly learn a few things from the case of Stephen Drew Hampton. He's the unrepentant Trotskyite (lesson: No historical dead end is truly dead if you just believe!) arrested last year for "disturbing a meeting" when he burned a flag at a September 11 ceremony. Last week, a local court said he could serve as his own lawyer (lesson: By being creative you can save yourself legal fees). He says he's the victim of a witch-hunt, and it seems obvious to us that City Hall is worried about disaffected youth rallying around Hampton's call to "rise up and overthrow the bosses." Children, as you know, love a good party.

Good news on the kid front from the Census Bureau, those evil ... no, they're OK. Their new study shows that while Nevada ranked a dismal 44th nationally in voter turnout, our 18-24 demo was Number 32. Good job, youth! But don't uncork that nonalcoholic champagne purchased at an absurdly distant liquor store just yet—there's a hitch: "Instead of this saying our youth turnout is relatively high," said Reno poli-sci prof Erik Herzik, "I think, no, it's the other categories that show Nevadans really don't vote." Statistically, sure. But what message are we sending the children if, while protecting them from the ravages of excessively nearby booze, the waffling of legislators and the scourge of outdated communist revolution-mongering, we don't make time to praise them for their 32nd-place finish? How will we motivate them to dream of reaching Number 31 in 2008?

+1 Lawmakers support bill to trim regents from 13 to nine. Is nine enough for the fine Vaudeville act we've come to enjoy?

+2 Study ranks Las Vegas No. 13 in U.S. for road quality. Well, of course—every single road is being worked on every single day.

0 Mayor scotches idea for Vegas reality show as not "interesting" enough. Suggests show be more about him. (Speaking of Vaudeville.)

-1 Cracking down on gambling, Ohio officials raid a charity "Las Vegas night." Lighten up, Ohio—what charity could survive hosting a "Cleveland night"?

Final score
+2

"She's having a hard time understanding the depth of the hatred."

We attend the mayor's weekly press conference so you don't have to

Main Themes: Acting! Welcome to Fantasy Island!

Summary: This week's get-together contrasted serious peddling (Goodman welcomed wounded soldiers biking across America for charity) with deft mayoral footwork (declining to comment on Councilman Mack's proposed liquor-sales ordinance, on the odd grounds that he never comments on such matters before a vote). For those wondering what a week's worth of Goodman's salary nets the city, here's this week's answer: Mostly, he played "Oscar Goodman": in a cameo on NBC's Las Vegas; in a supporting role on a panel for the American Institute of Architects convention; in a star turn at a convention of shopping-center operators; as a guest on a very special episode of Tony Snow's Fox radio show. He also headlined a party for 30 visiting mayors at his home. (It's hard not to picture him as Mr. Rourke: "Smiles, everyone, smiles!") "The other mayors," he reported, "aren't as happy as the happiest mayor"—because, of course, Las Vegas is better than those other cities. Except at arena football, whose Super Bowl will be held here (our Gladiators won't be playing). This means "the whole world will be looking at us," Goodman said, leaving you to wonder if he actually heard the words "arena football" before "Super Bowl." Asked about the anti-immigration convention being held Downtown, he cited the First Amendment: "You have to let 'em talk; you don't have to listen." He didn't say whether that also applied to Tony Snow. Smiles, everyone, smiles!