Some 7-year-olds can get their dads to help them make their science projects. But if you're Racer Rodriguez, son of Robert Rodriguez (director of Sin City and the Spy Kids films), you can get your dad to help you make a major motion picture. The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D is, in fact, credited to the "dreams and stories" of little Racer Rodriguez. And—not to discourage the young screenwriter—it shows.
Despite its awful, convoluted plot and its extraordinarily heavy-handed message that condescends even to my inner 10-year-old, the movie isn't all bad. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Dooley, as the respective titular heroes, give energetic performances, and settings such as the Land of Milk and Cookies are pretty appetizing, whatever your age. But the visuals wind up being a double-edged sword. In some shots, the 3-D really does make the action look cool. A well-choreographed fight scene between Shark Boy and digital electric dogs almost led to Star Wars-caliber thrills. But overall, the 3-D turns images into an ugly, dull, muddy, monochromatic mess. The next time young Racer conjures up something like Shark Boy and Lava Girl, Rodriguez should try putting it on the fridge rather than theaters nationwide.