As i sat at the dinner table in the cozy restaurant, across from the sexy tile-and-marble guy who had come over to give me an estimate on granite countertops, I couldn't help but notice what a nice time I was having. Even though it wasn't a "date" because I was taking a time-out from dating in an effort to get to know myself and what I really want as per my therapist's request, it had a "date" feel to it, only better.
When I entered the restaurant, he lit up like the Fourth of July when he spotted me. He told me that I looked absolutely beautiful and humbly added that he couldn't believe that I'd agreed to have dinner with a tile guy like himself. He was darling and I found myself excited at the prospect of a second non-date date.
When he walked me out to the car, there was a chill in the air so he put his jacket over my shoulders. He put his strong arms around me and gently pulled me into him. "Sonja, you are an amazing woman and I would love to see you again. May I call you tomorrow?" he whispered into my hair.
"I'd like that," I answered.
A week later, when I still had yet to hear from him I was mystified. What the ... ? How in the hell do you take a girl out, have an extraordinary time, compliment the snot out of her, make her feel like a skillion-and-a-half bucks and then never freakin' call her again?
In the middle of my quandary, my girlfriend Deedy called to invite me to join her at one of those dreadful singles' mixers that I so despise. The kind of event that you go to and stand around at, boys on one side, girls on the other, like cows on parade, hoping that one of the stupid boys will drink himself courageous enough to approach to ask you for a dance. In my experience, it is a complete waste of time and reeks of desperation. No thank you!
"OK," I said. It wasn't like I was dating anyway, I‘d just go to keep her company.
I wasn't there more than 10 minutes when not one, not two, but three semi-attractive men offered to buy me a drink. Jalapeno! It was raining men. Tile-Guy-Schmile-Guy! It didn't matter though, because ... I'm not dating. Then I spotted an old friend. I was relieved to see him and explained that I was only there as a wing-woman to my gal-pal. We chatted and caught up. He was funny and charming and I actually found myself having a most wonderful time.
"You know, Sonja," said Dean, who admittedly was a lot more handsome than I had ever remembered him to be, "I have always had a huge crush on you."
The hell you say. Hmmm, the evening was looking up, I was engrossed in conversation with the hottest guy in the place, he was telling me that he has a huge crush on me and to top it all off, I was having a perfect hair day. Too bad I'm not dating.
"So, why didn't you ever ask me out?" I asked coyly. Men love it when you're coy.
"I knew you were way out of my league," he answered shyly.
"Try me," I said with just a hint of giddiness. Bad Sonja, you're not supposed to be dating.
And just like that, we were joined at the hip for the rest of the evening. Laughing, giggling, smooching, we were the envy of all the other lovelorn singles in the joint.
When the event was over, being that we were in the Desert Passage Shops at the Aladdin Hotel, we wandered into Aldo, one of my favorite shoe stores. I was in desperate need of chocolate-brown strappy sandals for the summer season, which I found and which Dean insisted on buying for me. He ignored my protests and said that he wanted to do something really nice for me. I melted.
So, you can imagine my surprise when, you guessed it, he never called me again.
And that's when my girlfriend, Shannon, suggested I read the book, He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. This book is a No. 1 New York Times best seller and was featured on Oprah. In it, Greg suggests that when men say that they were just too insanely busy to spare even four seconds to call you, that it isn't because he really is that busy, but that the cold hard fact of the matter is: He's just not that into you.
It goes on to mention several scenarios that women commonly mistake as oversights and constantly make excuses for. It says that knowledge is power and knowing that he's just not that into you gives you the power to free yourself of the slug and move on to find someone who is. Great advice. I loved it. I highly recommend it.
But as an afterthought, I'd like to add: If you take me on a date or two, hold my hand, say incredible things meant to make me feel special, stroke my hair, gaze into my eyes and promise to call, then here's a news flash: I THINK YOU ARE TOTALLY INTO ME!
So men, kindly do us all a favor. If you're not that into us, then have the balls to say so. Don't waste our time and fill our heads with air when you have no intention of following up. It's hurtful, it's cruel, and it only makes it that much harder on the next guy because we are convinced that all men are insufferable bastards.
And girls, if you want to get the attention of every man in any given place, here's a surefire tactic: Sit at the bar, tan legs exposed, sipping on your refreshment of choice, wearing a miniskirt and a T-shirt with the words, "MEN SUCK" printed on it. Worked for me, but all for naught ... because I'm currently not dating!
Sonja is a writer who covers the ins and outs of relationships. Or is it the ups and downs?