I inhaled deeply as I stepped out of the car, the usual 10 minutes late. Bad habit. Note to self: Habitual tardiness is very unattractive. I couldn't believe what a nervous wreck I was. After all, it was just lunch, right?
Of course, it was a lunch that could potentially change the rest of my life. OK, I realize that my expectations were a bit on the high side, but who could blame me? By the time I finally met with Tammy at It's Just Lunch to talk about joining the dating service for busy professionals, I had worked myself into a mad panic. What if she sees me and decides I'm not good enough for her database of extraordinary, busy professional men who were no doubt extremely successful and very serious about finding a partner if they were willing to invest the money and the time to go through the rigamarole of joining themselves. What if she instantly disliked my look, my aura, my fashion sense? What if she found me too over the top, too aggressive, too talkative, too desperate? Holy cow, the fate of my future could very well rest in the hands of this woman!
I changed my outfit no less than six times that morning. I was determined to walk into her office with a look that said, "I am a confident, intelligent, totally together woman with everything in the world going for her. Any man would be lucky to have me." But I had to be careful that I didn't overdo it with a look that said, "I'm an arrogant cow and there isn't a man worthy of my affections." I had to play it perfectly, then I'd win her over and she'd make it her mission in life to find my perfect match.
When she walked into the room on legs so long that I was sure they took at least a day and a half to shave, thick, shiny blonde hair, a skillion-dollar smile and an outfit that was clearly right off the cover of Glamour, suddenly all the confidence I was working so hard to build deflated a bit. I mean, how was I going to meet anyone fantastic with a gatekeeper like that? I felt certain that all the male applicants would instantly fall madly in love with her and all that would be left were her man-me-downs; the less-than-creamy-croppers. After seeing the gorgeous Tammy, they would surely find me to be a huge disappointment. I felt duped. I hated her.
"You are beautiful!" said Tammy as soon as she entered the room. "What do you do to stay in such great shape?"
What? Great shape? Me?
"Oh my goodness, I have so many men that are just going to be chomping at the bit to meet you!" I loved her. As it turned out, she is a warm, caring, compassionate woman with the utmost understanding of the plight of the single thirtysomething woman in Las Vegas. And by the time we had concluded the interview process, I felt like I had just made a new best girlfriend. And even better, I was sure she would have my best interests in mind as she selected the men who would become my lunch dates.
As I entered the restaurant, I was a bit flushed, late and nervous, had to calm down, had to be in control. I walked up to the hostess and said, "Hi, I'm S ..." but before I could finish I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Sonja?" asked the not very tall, not drop-dead gorgeous, slightly dorky man. Damn that Tammy, I hated her!
"Just say no, just say no, just say no—then walk out the door," said a voice in my head. It was the very same voice that I hear when I am out and see a stud with broad shoulders, perfect teeth and an ass you could eat lunch off of—the voice that tells me that I should jump his irresistible bones. The same voice that has led me astray on numerous occasions. The same voice that always made me think I was in the same league as guys like Hot-Tub Tim, only to discover, much to my dismay, that I most certainly am not. I decided to ignore that stupid voice; it had never been right before.
"Yes, I'm Sonja," I said, extending my hand. A smile crossed his lips that lit up the entire restaurant. Wow! He had great teeth and his boyish grin touched my heart.
During our two-hour lunch, I came to find out that Steve has one son, whom he is completely crazy about. The better part of our conversation was about our children and how important it is when dating to make sure you pick someone who will be compatible with them as well. We shared our common interests, our goals, our thoughts about being single and how we agreed that Las Vegas was a tough place to find a solid person to have a relationship with. He was charming and sweet, a perfect gentleman. And I silently chastised myself for judging him so quickly at the onset of our date.
"I have a confession to make," said Steve as he paid the check. "When you walked in, I immediately thought you were out of my league, that you would be stuck up or snooty. I had half a mind to slip right out the door."
"Oh, Steve," I said, as if what he'd said was completely ridiculous, "You can't judge a book by its cover." I was suddenly glad I hadn't, and oh, that Tammy? I love her!
Sonja is a writer who covers the ins and outs of relationships. Or is it the ups and downs?