The flow of G-Sting's greed and lust must surely be followed by some ebb, some consequences, some lessons learned. Probably, the Rev. Barry Diamond's G-Sting-focused sermon at Legacy Vineyard Church last Sunday provided poignant life lessons on a deep moral level. But we decided it was our quasi-journalistic duty to provide the more practical lessons to be learned from our elected officials' foul behavior:
1. All of politics boils down to blow jobs and cash. Let's just take that as a given. But the interesting thing about our little scandal, compared to national politics and similar political snickerdoodles, is that we're so literal. In some political arenas, "blow jobs" is taken to be figurative. And in many, many political scenarios, the cash is delivered under massive, obfuscating clusterfucks like PACs and thereby made to look far more above-board. So on an artistic level, the G-Sting crowd should be recognized for a jarring return to minimalism, a bold display of plain-faced corruption.
2. After a political scandal has been outed as nothing but blow jobs and cash, the reason for the bribes is no longer interesting. Honestly, who's really following the details anymore? It's all turned into one big montage of sexual favors and stacks of cash. We can't get the horrid image of Erin Kenny on her knees out of our heads, we'll never understand why Dario's wife hasn't left him, we wonder what kind of Freudian implications are buried in Mary Kincaid-Chauncey's securing lap-dances for her son, but we have no idea what exactly Michael Galardi was buying with all of this. Something about competing strip clubs or zoning or ...
3. The public is screwed. To be clear, we mean this figuratively. UNLV professor and President of the Nevada Center for Public Ethics Craig Walton summed it up best in the Las Vegas Sun: "What are we supposed to do? How do we compete with that? What do John and Jane Doe Nevada do? Create a fund for cruises and $3,000 cash envelopes and golf games and Rolling Stones tickets? That doesn't sound like a democratic republic to me. It sounds like something else."
4. Erin Kenny is not bright. It's a small point but it has to be made. She may become the yardstick by which future stupid politicians are measured. Sure, she got tons of money, but here's a question for the ages: If she was the one being bribed, why was she giving the blow jobs? She got it all backwards. They were supposed to be doing favors for her. Strangely Alfred Hitchcock didn't address this kind of mix-up directly in Vertigo, but it does make the vertigo-stricken Kenny's assertion that she is very, very confused seem valid.
5. It's always the parents' fault. This is a lesson we tend to forget until we screw up big-time, but it's always good to be reminded. To wit, the one-time political wonderboy Dario Herrera probably wouldn't have indulged in being serviced by strippers for his vote, or illegally taken cash, or done any of this bad stuff if it weren't for ... his dad. As noted in the Las Vegas Sun "[Terry] Lamuraglia [then the County's lobbyist] told the FBI he believed Herrera's irresponsible behavior resulted from the lack of a 'male role model or father.' His father abandoned Herrera's family when he was 2 years old." Wow. Well, then, who can blame him?
6. Wholesome sports and family restaurants are sullied. If the golf foursome in front of you is taking forever, they might not be focusing on the game: "The indictment alleges that Galardi paid for a golf outing for Herrera in the spring of 2001 in which the county commissioner received sexual favors from a Cheetahs dancer." (Las Vegas Sun) This just goes to show you the breadth of inconsiderate behavior one displays after falling prey to one's own insatiable greed and lust. Rude.
It's sad that the G-Stingers tarnished the good name of our corrupt county, but when "[developer] Don Davidson gave [Erin Kenny] envelopes of cash at the International House of Pancakes" (Sun), they showed a reckless disregard for a wholesome breakfast establishment. There were likely pancake-eating children nearby. Similarly, we have to hand it to the upstanding In-n-Out Burger employees, who apparently refused to give burgers for blow jobs: "Galardi was placed in protective custody for one night after a session with FBI agents, in which he told of all the Las Vegas movers and shakers he had paid off. He said he doesn't remember much of the night. 'I remember the part about going through In-n-Out Burger and I had to pay for it myself.'" (R-J)
7. A good politician is shocked—shocked!—at this kind of behavior displayed by his colleagues. Unlike the jaded rest of us, who have come to expect this sort of thing from those so nobly called to serve the public, the former mob lawyer-turned mayor is floored—floored!—by all of this: "'I can't believe anything that I'm reading about. I don't believe anything I'm listening to. I know some of these people who are being mentioned and if they were as portrayed, I would be shocked. I would be shocked. A couple of names that have been thrown into the mix during the testimony, I just cannot believe are the names of corrupt people based on my knowledge of them." (Las Vegas Sun)