Is no place sacred? Have you no decency? Hell, since you let your dogs unload in places expressly prohibited by law, why limit where they can do the doo? Give 'em run of the D Gates at McCarran. Unleash 'em on Sam Boyd Stadium before a Rebel home game (it might help them tackle better). Let 'em unload at skate parks, swimming pools, at the Reed Whipple Culture Center, along the Beltway, in the sandboxes your kids play in, on the swings your kids frolic on, in the aisles of the libraries where your kids browse for books. Why not make the whole world a toilet? You can flip NIMBY into EMBY (everywhere but my back yard).
Sounds moronic, huh? Yeah, almost as moronic letting your mutt relieve himself on fields used for Pop Warner and youth football, Little League baseball and preteen soccer, competitive adult soccer and flag-football leagues, fields used by thousands of people each month, fields created for use by humans. Dogs may be man's best friend, but they're an athletic fields worst nightmare. Which reminds me, pet owners are supposed to be smart. Can't you folks read all the park signs that city spokeswoman Diana Paul says prohibit dogs? Can't you see all the receptacles that county parks and rec spokeswoman Leslie Mihalko says dot the parks?
Guess not. On a recent day, I was staring at a grotesque pile plopped near the 20-yard-line on the middle field at the Charleston/Buffalo football park. Disgusting.
Perhaps you think it's funny. Well, perhaps you need to brush up on the law, buddy. "Any person owning or having custody or care of any animal which excretes any solid waste upon any public property, upon any real property owned by or leased by another person or upon any common area of an apartment or similar complex is guilty of a misdemeanor provided that no violation of this section shall occur if the owner of the animal promptly and voluntarily removes the solid excretion," reads city ordinance 7.36.040. (County code says about the same thing.)
Let me translate: Every patch of green ain't a greenlight for Fido to let fly. If he does, it's your responsibility to clean up after him. "Sometimes people don't think of ramifications. It's unsightly and disconcerting to step in poop. I carry plastic bags when I walk my dog," Mihalko says.
You're a role model, Leslie. "We try to get people not to walk dogs on groomed and maintained sports fields. It's hard to quantify the number of citations because the county runs more than 60 urban and rural parks. We do have dog parks, and the people who use the dog parks typically pick up after the dogs. Sometimes people don't have transportation to get to them, or they forget to pick up after their dogs."
Okay, that's enough from Leslie.
Right now I'm one untimely step, slide or face-plant away from mimicking Nancy Holland, public outreach coordinator for the Tampa Bay Estuary Program. She counted every pile of poo for a one-mile stretch of the sidewalk through an area park—finding 83—then GPS-mapped their location, printed the data and handed out a sheet to present scope of the problem. I hope it doesn't come to that.
In fact, dear dog owner, I hope you change your ways and use the 16 parks with dedicated dog facilities (there's one near you, this town ain't that damn big) so that you can avoid getting cited, fined (usually $100) and/or arrested. Don't believe you can't get thrown in the clink: Try not paying the fine. Mihalko says marshals have arrested protesting dog owners for disorderly conduct.
If, on the other hand, you choose to continue to allow your dog to defame the public spaces my tax dollars built, then it is my earnest hope that you get nabbed and that you accost the park marshals so that they can arrest you.
Sincerely, Damon Hodge
City Parks with Dog Runs
• All American, 1551 S. Buffalo Drive
• Barkin' Basin, 7351 W. Alexander
• Centennial Hills, 7101 N. Buffalo Drive
• Children's Memorial, 6601 W. Gowan Road
• Jaycee, 2100 E. St. Louis Ave.
• Kellogg Zaher Sports Complex, 7901 W. Washington Ave.
• Lorenzi Park, 3333 W. Washington Ave.
• Police Memorial, 3250 Metro Academy Way
• Woofter Family, 1600 Rock Springs Drive
County Parks with Dog Runs
• Desert Breeze Park Dog Park, 8425 W. Spring Mountain Road
• Desert Inn Dog Park, 3570 Vista del Monte
• Dog Fancier's Park, 5800 E. Flamingo Road
• Molasky Park Dog Run, 1065 E. Twain
• Shadow Rock Park Dog Park, 2650 Los Feliz
• Silverado Ranch Park Dog Park, 9855 S. Gillespie
• Sunset Park Dog Park, 2601 E. Sunset Road