A Blog to Check Out |
Writer Norine Dworkin-McDaniel, an occasional contributor to the Weekly and to our sister publication, Las Vegas Life, has left this town for the humid joys of living in Florida. But she's not gone gone: Dworkin-McDaniel is compiling a book of her experiences as a city girl—she came to Las Vegas from New York City after 9/11—living on the rural flank of Mount Charleston, in a house she terms The Bunker. For the moment, she's posting some of the tales on her Mountain Girl blog. Never mind the weird formatting symbols that plague the text; they're worth wading through for the story of the giant spider; the lurid tale of the visiting Jehovah's Witnesses ("'Stewart, where's the shotgun?' It even shocked me as I said it"); the account of Norine learning to hand a gun and numerous other comic hardships endured by a most charming misplaced person.
Scott Dickensheets |
Bullshit, of course. Everyone knows you need books like you need vodka. You just feel better about eating and sleeping and showering and watching TV and tinkering with dangerous machinery when books, plural, are within arms' reach. We didn't get this far into civilization on book alone. And let's not even open the can of smugness that would come from debating what single book we actually would keep if we could only keep one, God help our better-than-the-rube-sitting-next-to-us selves.
But rather than just gaily appreciating Heckscher's gimmicky book full of lists, conversion charts, letter-writing formats and international road sign iconography, someone with the right values had to take the challenge and stand up to defend the rest of bookmanity. That'd be me.
So I ditched my latest erotic novella and, for several weeks of deadlines missed, tested the one-book theory. Here's how my life went, handily organized into a quick reference guide quite like the Only List of How My Life Went You'll Ever Need:
A.) I got divorced. It's the kind of major life event one might like to turn to either vodka or a book for, and so I consulted the only book I'd ever need! and found the "Rejection/Breakup Letter." It reads: "Dear ___. I know we've been together for a while now, but I am writing to tell you that I can't see you anymore. Here's why: (check any/all that apply ...)" What follows is a list that includes "I don't like your new haircut" and "You are not ready for a relationship" and several other things my ex could have checked about me, including "You have emotional problems" and "I want someone better." And, frankly, that pretty much satiated my need to read about breakups. Score one for the Everything book.
B.) I got the stomach flu. I looked up "Please End It All" and found no entry. Alas, there was a page for Common Ailments and Their Remedies, although notably not on the same page as the divorce letter. In between dry heaves I read: "Gastroenteritis (Stomach Flu): ... Treatment: There is no cure for the stomach flu ..." Yay. However, it did go on to explain the need for hydration and saltines—sound advice. Also, further back on Page 25, there's a big sign that says "HELP ME" that can be torn out and waved immediately, which I did, to the brief interest of my cats. Two points for the Book.
C.) I got a startling desire to make a paper airplane. Coincidentally, on Page 151, under "Leisure and Entertainment," was "Paper Airplane." I borrowed scissors and followed the directions: "Cut out along dotted lines. Fold along solid lines in chronological order ... Use this airplane when sending notes or when the occasion calls for flying paper." It was a sucky airplane and got very little air; I've made better. One point for Erica Jong's Fear of Flying, a similar book, only different.
D.) I planned out the rest of my life. Fortuitously, the Book is rich with helpful lists such as "Approved Words for Scrabble" and "Classic Cocktails" and "Wonders of the World Checklist" and "Solar Eclipse Viewing Device." This helped me set some goals for myself. Buckets of points for the Book.
I'm nowhere near finishing the The Only Book You'll Ever Need, but I suspect it's the kind of thing I'll keep picking up and somehow never retain, like the Bible or Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections or the AP Stylebook.
Three stars for Use This Book! The Only Book You'll Ever Need. I'll add it to the pile of other books I can't live without.