Ring rring ... ring rring ... Hello? Yes, I do hate politics ... Mmhmm ... Yes, I do think politicians are all crooked opportunists ... Okay ... Sure, I could do a better job, couldn't you? Couldn't my dog? ... Really? Mmhmm, okay then, I'll do it! I'll run for office!
So goes the ideal conversation as envisioned by political activist Kermitt Waters, who last week set up automated phone calls to 50,000 Clark County residents saying "I'm looking for good men and women to run for the Nevada state Legislature or Congress ... We need to vote against all of the incumbents. It makes no difference if you're a Republican or a Democrat, it's time to clean house," according to the Review-Journal.
Now that's admirable desperation. And, a sign of the apocalypse. We've all hung up on telemarketers wanting to pitch a horrid refinancing rate or give us a free Hawaiian vacation with a cripplingly expensive life insurance plan, but this puts us in the position to hang up on democracy. Oh, screw you, participatory government, I'm watching the Suns! Click. ... Honey, don't answer it, it's democracy calling!
Anti-War Item No. 372: Senseless Death
Just after Mother's Day the Department of Defense announced yet more heartrending news: Emanuel Legaspi, a staff sergeant in Operation Iraqi Freedom, had died on May 7, his life succumbed to small arms fire in combat at Tal Afar. What the Defense Department didn't report, however, was that just Like Teodoro Torres Jr. and Carlos Saenz and John Griffith and Joseph Martinez and Anthony Cometa and Jesse Jaime and Stanly Lapinski and Donald Griffith Jr. and Richard Perez Jr. and Christopher Weaver and Daniel Guastaferro and Nicholas Anderson and John Lukac and William Salazar and Cameron Sarno and John Smith before him, Legaspi lived in the Las Vegas Valley, fought and died in the Middle East, and left behind not only a mournful family but also an entire sympathetic Valley wondering:
Why, again, was he over there fighting?
The Power of One Little Gambler
First, James Grosjean pissed casinos off by writing a book on how to assume the advantage in games like three-card poker, baccarat and craps; and then, after an incident in which he was handcuffed, detained and interrogated in a security cell at the Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino without just cause, he filed a lawsuit against the casino, and in the end came away with $150,000.
And now the dude who can't stop sticking it to the house is at it again, back in court arguing for Nevada Supreme Justices to not only double that $150,000 he was awarded in 2004 but also permit him to sue the Gaming Control Board, members of whom played a part in his Imperial Palace fiasco.
Grojean has said it appears some resorts truly fear "one little gambler is going to destroy them."
If he ever in fact does, we'll all be awaiting his subsequent "how-to" book.
It's Just Gross
"it's imperative to store furs in a professionally, climate controlled storage vault to protect skins from dying out and protect against heat damage, sunlight, and insects."
The thanks of a grateful nation is fine and all, but it doesn't always hit the spot like a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies—especially when you're baby-sitting new democracy thousands of miles from home. And even though the president assures us the effort is going well, every now and then a soldier could still use a taste of America.
Enter the Girl Scouts of Southern Nevada. They're donating 4,000 boxes of their delicious cookies to U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is possibly the most brillianthumanitarian effort of all time. Not only will it comfort weary soldiers with a tasty reminder of stateside life, but a few boxes shared with locals will make the case for America much more forcefully than a hundred Haliburton initiatives.