SPOILER ALERT for all fledgling gangsta rappers: Tony Montana dies at the end of Scarface. But this film fact didn't sit well with the game designers at Vivendi Universal, who've decided that Tony—now a bizarre pop culture anti-hero—should live on to rebuild his drug empire. So after spouting the famous "Shay jello to my wittle vrend" line, Tony now gets to blast his way out of that mansion and into the one place where this kind of character can truly thrive: a Grand Theft Auto knockoff. I love the occasional escape into the moral vacuum of a video game as much as the next desensitized gamer, but as playgrounds for destruction go, Scarface's Miami is hit and miss. The carnage is hampered by unusually vigilant cops and a respect system that forces you to halt your progress until you've furnished your home with respect-earning, tacky crap. Vivendi probably paid a lot for Al Pacino's likeness, but even without it, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is still the definitive escape into decadent '80s mob life.
GOD HAND BY CAPCOM (3 stars)
Platform: PlayStation 2.
Rated: M.
God Hand is best described as an insane mess. It's a 3D brawler with a schizophrenic aesthetic. Through a series of bland levels, you'll pummel evil clowns, guys with spiked balls for fists, and adversaries that either defy description or don't warrant it. The fight controls are solid, and some of the one-liners hint that the game's on a trajectory for the realm of it's-so-bad-it's-good, but ultimately, it's a few punches short of greatness.
NBA LIVE 07 BY EA SPORTS (3 stars)
Platforms: PlayStation 2, Xbox 360, Xbox.
Rated: E.
Unlike most recent sports games, NBA Live 07 tries to change things up a bit. Unfortunately, a lot of these changes are the equivalent of trying to improve a team's scoring average by changing the brand of shorts they wear. Superstar moves are purely cosmetic, and the tweaked control scheme is perfunctory. Opposing A.I. is more likely to foul you, but maybe they just don't like your new shorts.
BUBBLE BOBBLE REVOLUTION BY CODEMASTERS (1 stars)
Platform: Nintendo DS.
Rated: E.
My apologies to all you old-school game aficionados, but Bubble Bobble blows more than its bubble-blowing dinosaur. This cartridge includes all 100 mind-numbing levels from the original, plus 100 more in the remake. Hilariously, due to a rather drastic glitch on level 30 of the new version, the boss doesn't appear, forcing you to turn off the game. I sure do love that level 30 boss.