‘The largest victims are the real people this story was supposed to be about.’
Dear Sir,
As an English teacher, writer and avid reader, I was terribly disappointed with your July 26-August 1 cover story, “The Push.”
You had me with the headline and the picture on the cover, but lost me as soon as I began reading the story.
What should have been a harrowing tale of two families caught up in an unreal situation that would forever change their lives became an unreadable piece of drivel in the hands of Joshua Longobardy. The sequencing of the story was so erratic and disjointed that the piece was not only hard to follow, it also belittled the persons involved. We don’t even find out about what the “older man” (by the way, the continual use of the phrases “older man” and “younger man” throughout the first part of the story actually dehumanized the characters instead of making them real or providing any dramatic effect) was supposedly so upset about until the second-to-the-last paragraph of the story. It was the inciting incident. The reason Raquel Shaw panicked and called her husband. The reason Dr. Shaw felt it necessary to flee his practice to defend his wife’s honor. The reason Lawrence Weiss ended up dead. So let’s bury it in the second-to-the-last paragraph?
I can go on. You should see the red marks that fill my copy. Quotes that are quotes, but aren’t quotes. Using “and” at the beginning of sentences—which can be done effectively if done properly, but not when you say, “He did not think but felt. And the streetlights would not turn green fast enough.”
But, in the end, the grammatical errors are just grammatical errors. The words are just words. The story is what matters.
There is a story here. A real story. A story that in the hands of a good writer could have been something great. A story that could have touched a part in each of us. It is too bad it gets lost at the hands of a writer who should stick to book reviews, club notes and blurbs about what’s hot.
It’s not that Mr. Longobardy is a bad writer; he’s just not ready to tackle a “compelling drama” such as this.
It IS “a pretty sad case all around,” and the largest victims are the real people this story was supposed to be about.
Sincerely,
–Dean Korder
John Travolta: Divine!
Dear Sir:
I’ve seen Hairspray. I thought John Travolta’s performance was just Divine.
I can’t wait to see him star in the remake of Pink Flamingos.
–Bob Purdue
From Our My Space Page (myspace.com/lasvegasweekly)
Steven Villanueva
You ran an issue on 50 things you didn’t know about Las Vegas, and in the top 50 you wrote that a 300 game was bowled by a porter at Pure by the name of Jon Madsen. I work at Pure as a porter and nobody goes by that name .... in fact I am the one who bowled the 300 game and my name is Steven Villanueva ... for proof you can go to Lucky Strike and see the bowling pin that I signed for my 300 game that first night that they opened. I really would appreciate it if you correct the error.
Thanks for your time.
Colleen Kennedy
Good times reading your weekly .... It made me feel right at home when I moved here three years ago!!!
XOXOXOXOX
Fall Out Fracture
Came across this mag during my recent stay in Vegas. Awesome, nice work!