Photographs by Beverly Poppe
1
Ty Ku Aphrodisiac Liqueur
Buy it for: Boyfriend/husband
It’s no big secret that men love their gadgetry, especially around the holidays when they have more time to tinker around in the garage and more relatives to hide from. You already took advice from that burly guy at Home Depot and gifted hubby dear a band saw and a ratchet set, but seriously, what’s in it for you? Nada. Unless you slip this one past him. Incredibly Hulk-green and highly versatile, Ty Ku’s light-up base will keep him mesmerized while the liqueur’s aphrodisiac qualities keep you, ahem, satisfied. Come to think of it, you might want to pick up two.
2
Alchemy Chocolate Vodka 
Gift it to: Girlfriend/wife
What woman doesn’t crave chocolate? Yep, the ladies just love Alchemy Polish vodka’s tall, elegant, streamlined bottle, the reverse-osmosis distillation process and the richly infused flavor. Artist Pablo Picasso said, “The three most astonishing things in the past half-century have been the blues, cubism and Polish vodka.” You might not give a flying fig about the first two—although the blues and chocolate aren’t a bad pairing either—but she will think you’re an alchemical genius when you greet her at the door with an Alchemy chocolate/tamarind/champagne cocktail. Also available in ginger and wild cherry flavors.
3
Veuve Clicquot PonsardinTraveler 
Perfect match: Best gal pal
After hours of bonding over cosmos, fro-yo and mani-pedis, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is your rock. She didn’t laugh when you got bangs, she knows about your fear of small woodland creatures, and she will never, ever mention that time at Club Med when you—well, you know. A friendship like that calls for celebration, and since celebration calls for champagne, give her the best in a nifty little reusable city tote that holds two glasses. Whether it’s a road trip or just a trip down memory lane, toast her, toast yourself and get toasted; she’ll never tell.
4
Square One Organic Vodka 
The giftee: Socially conscious, in all senses of the term
She’s a Whole Foods-shopping, Kundalini yoga position-posing, card-carrying member of the Green Party. (Recycled paper card, of course.) Tofu and sprouts are humbled by her presence, her hiking boots were made for back-country walking, and she likes her martinis like she likes her wheat grass—strong! So unless you want a demonstration on your lawn, forget the fur and give her this 100-percent certified organic, limited-production, artisanal brand American vodka made with sustainably grown rye and water from the pristine Teton Range of Wyoming. She’ll just think the world of you.
5
Hendrick’s Gin
Drink it with: The in-laws
Sure, they drive you crazy during the holidays and give out way too much unsolicited advice, but perhaps they’ll mellow a little after you’ve plied them with a few classic gin cocktails, like a gimlet or a Hendrick’s and tonic. Later, once you’ve piled them into a cab and sent them back to the Budget Suites, you can kick back with one of mixologist Dale DeGroff’s more unusual gin-based creations, like his Quince and Clover Sour or the warming Blackcurrant Jelly Toddy. Also tops for Granny and her friends. They love a tipple before gardening club. And during. And after.
6
Kubler Absinthe
Perfect for: Your college roommate
He smokes too much, he’s cool but in a grungy sort of way that always makes your girlfriend label him “misunderstood” just before she leaves you for him, and he just blew into town from Prague, where he’s been studying socialism, sustainable psychedelic mushroom farming and uninhibited female artists—occasionally all at the same time. Oh, and he needs to crash on your couch “for a couple of nights,” but only until he announces one morning that he needs a ride to the airport so that he (and your girlfriend) don’t miss their flight to Phuket for the full moon festival.
7
Chivas Regal with customizable label 
Bestow upon: Anyone (’cept kids)
Everyone absolutely loves seeing something cool with their name on it, and when it’s a bottle of booze, it shows them that you really do care! Either that or that you’re trying to get them smashed through simple flattery. Either way, visit www.GiftLabel.com to customize a variety of liquor labels with any message you wish and have them placed on bottles of Chivas Regal whisky, Glenlivet scotch, Kahlua, Wild Turkey or Jacob’s Creek wines. Also perfect for those who wish to label their booze “drink it and die” because they are sick and tired of their roommates drinking all of the liquor.
8
Six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon
Dump it on: Someone you’re stuck knowing
You didn’t buy it only because it was one of, if not the, cheapest six-packs of beer available at your neighborhood convenience store; you also bought it because you wanted to send a direct message to someone: “Give me back my damned hedge trimmers/stop sleeping with my wife/brush your hair for once in your life/tell your dog to stop shitting on my lawn/please invest in a bottle of antiperspirant/for the love of all things holy, do not for any reason buy me another box of those nasty off-brand 99-cent chocolate-covered Cordial Cherries again this year. Oh, and merry effin’ Christmas!”
9
Casa Lapostolle Merlot, 2006
Meant for: Your friend who knows everything about everything
One, this Chilean wine is made by the great-granddaughter of the Frenchman who originally created Grand Marnier—that scrumptious, wild, tropical, orange-flavored blended cognac. And two, you have a friend who always finds casual ways of telling you exactly how much they paid for all the overpriced designer crap in their house. It’s a match made in heaven! Now just imagine how smart and savvy you’ll look when you tote this trendy Old World-style New World red to Christmas dinner. Just make sure not to accidentally leave the price tag stuck to the bottle; at just $14, it’s a steal!
10
Montecristo Spiced Rum 
The recipient: Your boss
You’ve long suspected that your boss pours something other than creamer into his morning coffee, so give him a bottle or two of Montecristo Spiced Rum for his lower desk drawer, and things will undoubtedly be more relaxed around the office. Though he might—in a drunken state—decide to run around the office wearing a pointy leather hat, an eye patch and a poofy white shirt while commenting about your co-workers’ booties at the office Christmas party, chances are that he will just be a little more forgiving next time you show up two hours late, reeking of strippers.
11
Pimp ’n Ho American Sparkling Wine
Stock up for: A bachelor
Yes, this sparkling wine actually does exist, and it’s perfectly acceptable to fill your buddy’s bachelor-party limousine and hotel ice bucket with. Did we mention the real silver flakes floating around in there? Who knew? So get out your “bachelor’s last stand” to-do lists, your blinky buttons and matching T-shirts, and go to town. And if at any point in the night the groom-to-be decides this would be the ideal beverage of choice for his actual wedding-ceremony toast, we would like to kindly refer you to our above Pabst Blue Ribbon gift guide for future reference.
12
Trago Anejo Tequila
Get it for: Anyone who is always looking to do a shot
You might have simply gone to their house thinking you were only going to stop in for a sec to pick up that jacket that you left in their car last week, but for some reason, this seems like yet another perfectly good reason for your friend to break out the limes, salt and shot glasses for a mid-afternoon quickie. Why the hell not? It’s Tuesday! Go for it! And if your friend works in the service industry—cocktail server, bartender, VIP host, manger, promoter—they will undoubtedly appreciate the short break from Patron. The gift that keeps on giving!