If anything could usher in the concept of much-anticipated Internet-video premieres, it was Good Cop, Baby Cop. The sequel to The Landlord (which saw Will Ferrell cowering before a formidable 2-year-old demanding the full rent lest she put him on the street), Cop premiered on Ferrell and director/producer Adam McKay’s FunnyOrDie.com June 25 at 8 p.m.; blogger reaction the world over was immediate and hyperbolic.
The four-minute clip again features McKay’s daughter Pearl, who browbeats Ferrell into signing a murder confession after bloodying his nose, threatening to knock out his teeth and picking up the phone to coo, “Hi, hell. I got someone coming to you.”
The video also marks Pearl’s “farewell performance.” “We hope you enjoy baby retirement,” the black screen reads before still images making the annual Academy Awards’ dead-folks montage seem flippant by comparison unspool.
The pressures of her newfound celebrity may have been too much, but Pearl’s adoring public had yet to see a single crotch-flashing or head-shaving cry for help. Another theory behind Pearl’s sudden retirement is the minor parental outcry ushered in by the likes of The Today Show and Fox News.
The outlets criticized the video and its creators for encouraging the toddler to shriek, “I want my money, bitch!” and “You’re an asshole!” before clutching a beer bottle and concluding, “I need to get my drink on.”
“Fortunately she is in this great stage now where she repeats anything you say to her and then forgets it right away, which is key,” McKay responded in an interview with People.com. “She has not said the B-word since we shot the thing.”
Parental overreaction to the biggest viral video since Saturday Night Live’s Lazy Sunday may have been expected, but there’s also the question of whether it was the wrong kind of overreaction. That is, shouldn’t the public have been equally outraged that Pearl’s sweet naïveté wasn’t exploited further for maximum comedic value?
At this point in time, I can think of very few valid reasons for humans to spawn (I actually have a list of 30-some-odd items saved in a Word document somewhere). Cost, time, travel limitations, stickiness and the general sociopolitical state of the world are among the highlights, but on the pro side of the argument, sooner or later those wriggly screamers’ll reach an age at which you can mold them into your very own version of a dancing bear or cymbal-clashing monkey. Cursing, flipping others off, rolling around like hamsters in those torturous balls—the entertainment possibilities are limited only by the imagination.
After all, one of the top reasons to buy a parrot is for the mimicry. If they could successfully do it, every dog owner would teach Fido to fetch beer from the fridge. Who among us hasn’t gotten their cat high and laughed hysterically as it stumbled along the floor? Even my parents took a picture of my younger brother as a baby, grinning in a green recliner as he held a can of Stag. Today he’s well on his way to becoming a well-off, upstanding mechanical engineer; no lasting psychological harm befell him those 20-something years ago. He’s even so proud of his early introduction to the world of adult beverages that the snapshot remains prominently displayed on his bedroom door.
So who are we to deprive young Pearl of all the Stag moments she can get? Former child stars might argue that it’s far rougher on the psyche when entire crews, big budgets and forced emotions are at stake. At least Pearl was surrounded by folks who love her, and she was authentically hilarious. Far be it for us to deny someone with such talent to get her drink on for free.