Of all the reality shows that seem to indicate the imminent Roman Empire-like downfall of Western civilization, perhaps the most appalling is MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, the astonishing celebration/condemnation of conspicuous consumption that chronicles the absurdly lavish parties thrown for wealthy teens turning that magic age. The generally spoiled, self-centered and inconsiderate subjects of this show seem to entirely lack self-awareness, displaying their disgusting, tacky orgies of narcissism with gleeful abandon.
Naturally, the show is a huge hit. Whether the audience is made up primarily of people who desire to emulate the subjects’ lifestyle or those who are horrified by it is really anyone’s guess, and so MTV’s new effort to capitalize on the show’s success, the made-for-TV Super Sweet 16: The Movie (MTV, July 8, noon; available on DVD July 10) is a laughably schizophrenic effort that aims to bridge the gap between the two camps. Also, it’s got the bargain-basement production values and often-incompetent acting you’d expect from a movie made for MTV.
It’s one thing to let the cameras roll on an actual person behaving reprehensibly, but crafting a fictional story about such a person without a redemptive arc is a pretty hard sell when your audience is unimaginative tweens. My Super Sweet 16 may be an often uncompromisingly dark look into the depths of the human soul, but Super Sweet 16: The Movie can’t afford to be that bold. Instead, we get two basically good protagonists learning to be even better, with all of the sociopathic behavior relegated to a supporting character—and even she eventually learns a lesson or two.
When lifelong best friends Jacquie (Regine Nehy) and Sarah (pop singer AJ Michalka) end up throwing rival sweet-16 parties, their greed and ambition get the better of them, causing them to lose sight of the more important things in life, like friendship, family and giving to charity (specifically to children-with-AIDS charity Hollywood Heart—is it possible to criticize a movie for charity product-placement?). Neither Sarah, a vegan activist who also happens to also dress in hot, trendy clothes, nor Jacquie, who’s got more mainstream interests, is nearly as selfish and bratty as any of the reality show’s participants, and they are mostly led into temptation by the arrogant, glamour-obsessed Taylor Tiara (Michalka’s pop-singer sister, Aly).
What’s more pathetic about Sweet 16 than its rampant product-placement, gratuitous performances by shitty musical acts (Hellogoodbye and Pretty Ricky) and horrible acting, is its crass, hypocritical exploitation of tragedy. Never mind that alleged vegan Sarah takes virtually no convincing to abandon her principles for some ice cream—the most cringe-inducing moment in the movie comes in the lead-up to the climax, as both Jacquie and Sarah have descended into the deepest depths of party monstrosity.
The supposedly deep and soulful dude who makes documentaries (like Michael Moore, the movie reminds us) and went to New Orleans to help rebuild after Katrina sends each girl a DVD with footage of their bitchy tantrums interspersed with shots of hurricane damage and starving children. This, of course, immediately moves them to see the error of their ways and mend fences, making the party into a charity benefit (although they still end up with cars). It is perhaps the most insulting thing I have ever seen on MTV, and I have watched a lot of MTV.