By John Katsilometes
I have a complaint about Las Vegas Athletic Club on Maryland Parkway, which has been my gym over the past eight months or so: The big-screen TV in the VIP locker room (and oh yeah, I am a VIP) is usually tuned to Fox News Channel. So, often I find myself in various states of undress scowling at Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly.
I usually do my best to ignore the prattle emanating from the TV in the corner, which is not easy because occasionally I catch one of Fox News’s provocative and relevant discussion topics – “Hillary connection in Vick dogfight operation?” – and fight the urge to kick the set in. A couple of days ago, as I was peeling out of my Boise State University sweatshirt, I overheard the new Fox News satire show, “The 1/2-Hour News Hour.”
One thing Fox News’ Newtwork (I mean, network) is not is funny, and I include the appearances by the waning Dennis Miller in that observation. And “The 1/2-Hour News Hour” is terrifically unfunny. The format is as if you expanded “Weekend Update” to a half hour and filled it with dopey right-wing tripe and lame fake commercials. It is the least-funny show of its type I have ever seen on network or cable television. It is less funny than when Joe Garagiola guest-hosted “The Tonight Show.” It is less funny even than Suzanne Somers’ “She’s The Sheriff.” The show leans on volume in place of humor – the overzealous studio audience laughs even louder than the goofy canned laughter used in “The Beverly Hillbillies.”
Sometimes it seems some members of the studio audience are actually choking on the material, which would be understandable in this case.
A clip leaked on the Internet before the show launched in February tells you all you need to know about this Amtrak derailment: The show’s co-anchors (who have names, but what’s the point) introduce a new poll revealing that Barack Obama’s approval rating among Democrats “plummeted to 99.9 percent” after he acknowledged he occasionally used cocaine as a teenager. The riotous bit continued that Obama had thus won the endorsement of former Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry (and if you find yourself exhuming a newsmaker from 1990 to make a point, you are in comedic quicksand) and, finally, aired a report on the new magazine devoted to Obama’s campaign and lifestyle, “BO.”
Stop it, man! You’re killing me!
But what really halted me as I watched the episode the other night was a familiar face – Jonathan Mangum. Mangum is Wayne Brady’s sidekick in Brady’s show at the Venetian and is a talented, versatile improv comic. He has to be to keep pace with Brady. But even Mangum could not salvage the “1/2-Hour” report I winced through. The premise was three authors were plugging new books, all of them questioning the existence of God. Two authors were interviewed over remote video links, and the third – Mangum -- was in the studio. The first author described his book, which was about God being a fraud, a scam, and so on, and the discussion turned to the female author. As she spoke, the first author began to gag (again, the material) and keeled over. Then, as she finished her pitch about her anti-God book, she, too, expired. As the audience giggled in anticipation of what would happen to Mangum as he described his anti-God book – a lighting bolt, maybe? – he turned fields and claimed it was a work of fiction and that he was donating proceeds to his favorite church. He was spared!
Mangum has claimed his appearances on “1/2 Hour” are not to make any political point. He’ll skewer anyone. But hitching himself to Fox News, that ain’t funny.
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The “Love” wrap that was placed on the Mirage a year ago has finally been peeled off. But the good news is that the Toni Braxton building wrap on the Flamingo lives on (hah-cha-cha!).
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Remember a while back when Elvis Presley Enterprises was all agog over unlicensed use of the Presley name and image? There was some sort of vague threat about cracking down on Elvis impressionists across the country, especially in Vegas, which has something like 750,000 unlicensed Elvi. Well, I have in my possession evidence of the standards put forth by the new Memphis Mafia: An “official” Elvis Reese’s Big Cup. It is filled with Elvis’ favorite snack combo, peanut butter and banana cream (but not with ground-up Vicodins). The familiar orange-and-yellow package bears with the unmistakable visage of Elvis in his “Aloha From Hawaii” days. It is “King Size,” and it tastes pretty good, for being sort of tasteless.
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Quick personal anecdote about Chancellor Jim Rogers: He knows my family in Pocatello, Idaho, pretty well. Several years ago my uncle James Katsilometes was Rogers’ property manager at his estate in the Pocatello foothills and also worked on Rogers’ vintage auto collection (which has since been moved to a warehouse near the KVBC Channel 3 studios, which Rogers owns). A few years ago, when Rogers toyed with the idea of running for governor, I mentioned to my uncle that he would run as a Republican. “That’s interesting,” said Uncle James. “I always figured him a Democrat.” The devotion to education was the reason, so the other day when Rogers announced he was joining Hillary Clinton’s campaign operation in Nevada, it was not a huge surprise to those who know him. He has it covered.
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Frequent CAT riders know not to light a cigarette at any bus stop in the city. At least, in the presence of other riders. It’s a sure way to be approached by a bunch of smokers wanting to bum a cigarette.
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Replacing Tower Books & Records at the old WOW shopping center on West Sahara Avenue is a quite large Walgreens, according to signage on that property.
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More West Sahara: A quite stylish home décor store, Redrover Alley, which shares (or, shared) the same strip mall as Paymon’s Mediterranean Café, has closed. Space is for lease, if you’re interested.
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Topical humor to follow: In honor of Erin Kenny’s sentencing today, and of World Series of Poker winner Jerry Yang, who is a psychologist, we offer the following joke that invokes both faulty memory AND psychology:
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques -- visualization, association -- it made a huge difference for me."
“That's great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?” ”You mean a rose?” ”Yes, that's it!” He turned to his wife ... “Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
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Pl8 in my head: Spotted this morning on a gold Mustang GT convertible heading southbound on Interstate 15, JETER 2, with a Yankees plate frame.
Fabulous Las Vegas appears at this Web site. John Katsilometes can be reached at 990-7720, 812-9812 or at [email protected]