TV: Am I smarter than a 5th grader?

It is, of course, only awesome in that train-wreck, what-have-we-sunk-to sort of way, but as a show whose title could serve as its pitch (and get picked up without any further explanation), it has a warped sort of genius. Thanks to its initial airings following the unstoppable American Idol, 5th Grader (Fox, Thursdays, 8 p.m.) has become quite the ratings success, following in the steps of Deal or No Deal, 1 vs. 100 and Identity in the dumbing-down (or at least hamming-up) of the American game show.

But saying that the show is bad is beside the point, so I decided to take it at face value, sitting down in front of the TV and attempting to answer the titular question: Am I smarter than a 5th grader, at least according to the intellectual standards of a show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy? After sitting through a few episodes, I've learned that I do know the answers to most of the grade-school-level trivia questions on the show, and that the contestants have clearly been selected for their likely comedic value and not their level of intelligence, 5th grade or otherwise.

As far as the actual game is concerned, the structure is virtually identical to the one introduced by Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, with 10 questions ascending in value up to a $1 million prize, three opportunities to seek help in answering a question and the option of walking away with your winnings at the start of each round. The hook here, though, is not the unoriginal structure, but the idea that adults don't know basic facts taught to kids in elementary school.

The first question on the first show asked about the month in which Columbus Day falls, to which I knew the answer (October) thanks more to being familiar with my work holiday schedule than anything I learned in school. I made a perfect score on the episode's six questions (another way it resembles the latest moronic game-show trends is in its maddeningly slow pace), although I missed five total questions of the 24 covered in the episodes I watched. I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't know how many teaspoons are in a tablespoon or what the difference is between a cirrus cloud and a stratus cloud.

This of course tells me nothing about how smart I am, or how smart anyone is (although the contestants are clearly sort of dumb). Am I smarter than a 5th grader? Hell yes I am, and no game show can determine that. But with its smarmy, attention-whore kids (who are around mostly to mock the dumb contestants and, you learn if you read the credits, are given workbooks to study before the taping), it can make me wish for another can't-miss reality-show pitch: Can You Beat Up a 5th Grader?