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How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist, by Patricia Carlin (Quirk Books, $12.95). Without hesitation I delved into this tile-sized book and soon confirmed what I had already suspected—that I am not, in fact, the Antichrist, as my ex-girlfriend likes to say. But what I did discover in the 15 minutes it takes to read Patricia Carlin's book, a playful 108 pages, is that I am a total bastard (Page 23), as I had been known to "tell her to call me when you're not on the rag"; a misogynist (Page 39), for I did "want to know why she only hangs out with whores"; and without equivocation a narcissist (Page 79), because "during sex with her, I [often] fantasized that I was masturbating."

I don't, however, believe any of it. I'm sure it was just a matter of Carlin being on the rag when she wrote the book.