The Help Desk

Where we sort it all out for you

1. Guv says education, health services must be cut. He’s right! Nevadans can put up with only so much education and health.

2. City Council up for raise. Cite high cost of ethical behavior.

3. Monorail ridership up slightly. In related news, no one gives a damn.

4. Rosario Dawson announces move to LV. Credits exciting uptick in monorail ridership for decision!

5. Regents shoot down proposal to arm profs, citing ‘public-relations nightmare.’ Same thing that doomed last year’s “self-defense wedgies” proposal.

6. Poll finds 70 percent of Nevadans back teachers’ gaming tax. Other 30 percent placated by cheap monorail tickets.

7. RTC to install surveillance cameras on the Strip. Plan to underwrite bus system with wacky YouTube videos.

8. Sun says Nevada Libertarians see candidate Ron Paul as the ‘next Barry Goldwater.’ See, the governor’s education cuts are already having an effect.

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