She came in through the side door, this mystery woman in what was described as a short, multicolored dress.
A coat of many colors, as it were.
She disrupted Sunday morning’s mass at Guardian Angel Cathedral by yelling, “Helllloooooo!” to the suddenly shaken congregation. She was fairly disheveled, but nonetheless eager to join in the church’s fellowship of faith.
Instead, she was led tenderly whence she came by the church music director, unluckily the closest person to that entrance. Though atwitter and marginally disrupted, the mass resumed.
But as it came time for the collection baskets to be passed across and through the pews, the modern-day Eleanor Rigby slipped through the front doors, this time clutching a paper cup shaped like a funnel. She was scantly noticed, as the parishioners were busy providing bills and coins to church volunteers. Soft music played in the background.
The woman in the dress worked her way down the aisle, moving purposefully toward the altar. She climbed the marble steps, close to where the communion hosts had been placed.
Then she leaned over the altar and …
Mooned the church.
Can I get an amen!
**
It’s Larry King/O.J. Simpson Trivia Time (answers just above the PL8 in my head):
1) What word did co-defendant Thomas Riccio use to describe Palace Station during his interview on King’s show Monday?
2) What did Kathy Griffin say about Simpson’s arrest in Vegas?
3) What did Kato Kaelin present to King when Kaelin appeared on the show to discuss his history with Simpson?
**
I was out of town over the weekend, visiting my former haunts in Northern California, and thus missed one of my favorite events of the year, the AFAN Black & White Party at the Palms. But I am glad to report that Saturday’s event drew more than 1,200 guests and the take (so far) has surpassed $130,000. It’s not too late to give, either; hit www.afanlv.org for information. Maybe they’ll mail you a commemorative Black & White Party boa or something.
**
The traffic ticket that won’t die continues to haunt the Johnny Kats. This is the 50-in-a-35 I was issued last month on Rancho Drive, near Washington Avenue, and was instructed to pay the fine at municipal court on Aug. 28. I showed up on that date, they had no idea whom I was or why I was there, but time-stamped my ticket to note that I did show up. Well, last week I received a nastygram saying my ticket had gone to warrant because – of course! – I’d failed to appear on the required date. FTA, they call it. In righteous indignation, I called the court and had that straightened out and was given until Oct. 10 to square away my swelling criminal record.
But while I was away I received two certified letters from the Department of Motor Vehicle, which were shipped to the post office nearest my home, which is up on Mount Charleston. I mean, which is up in Summerlin, off Spring Gate Lane. These missives informed me, twice over, that because of my FTA, my license would be suspended on Oct. 15 if I didn’t pay the fine.
To quote Vince Lombardi, “What the hell’s going ON out there?!”
So I again call the court, and reach a seemingly young guy who I will call “Johnny,” and he explained to me that I had done nothing wrong and this whole DMV involvement was automatic, because of the original FTA notice – which we all know now was not an FTA and I have a stinking stamp to prove it.
This will soon be over. But again, it’s a good thing we’re not landing aircraft around here.
**
Zumanity at New York New York held its four-year anniversary on Monday night. The crew spent the evening off-property – far off-property, actually – at Moon at the Palms. The Zu Crew has taken a liking to Casa de Maloof; last year the debauchery reigned at Rain. (And that sentence makes me think I’ve been reading too much gossip copy.)
**
Answers to King/O.J. trivia: 1. “Sleazy.” 2. “Look at all the free publicity he’s getting! I wish I’d thought of that! Now I’m going to have to get arrested just to get back on the front page!” 3. The key to Simpson’s guesthouse, which he’d been packing around for 13 years.
**
PL8 in my head: Love Cuba? The plate LVECUBA on a silver Honda CR-V on Jones Boulevard at Spring Mountain Road.
Fabulous Las Vegas appears at this Web site. John Katsilometes can be reached at 990-7720, 812-9812 or at [email protected]