The first time around, the Boston boy-band quintet was straight-up pop. Hit-churning, falsetto-unfurling, shriek-inducing pop. But times change, kids grow into men, savings accounts run dry and styles evolve for inevitable reunions. On their first album of new music in 14 years, NKOTB have transformed into singers of R&B. Slickly produced, percussion-programmed, Autotune-saturated R&B. And if they were lovably, harmlessly goofy before, now they’re outright laughable.

Donnie Wahlberg Rulez: Julie Seabaugh, age 10.

Though the New Kids wisely eschew any sort of big “We’re back!” statement song, they fully commit to an overarching “We’re horny!” theme. Harmonized urban posturing details getting turned on at the club (“Single,”), at the bar (“Put It on My Tab”), at the beach (“Summertime”), in the bathroom (“Click Click Click”), even at a metaphoric car-repair shop (“Full Service”)—all atop bargain-basement beats and between shout-outs to Patrick Swayze (“Dirty Dancing”) and Grey’s Anatomy (“2 in the Morning”).

Ne-Yo, the Pussycat Dolls, New Edition and Akon contribute vocals while guest producers Timbaland, RedOne and Teddy Riley work behind the scenes, yet the net result remains a hugely generic misstep that sullies once-golden memories for late 20s/early 30s females everywhere. Not merely in the running for Worst All-Time Lyrics (“Sexify My Love,” anyone?), Block may very well additionally go down as the Worst Reunion Album. Ever.

The bottom line: 1/2 of a star