Entertainment

Spookiest Halloween costume?

Which of these acts—all in town this week—would help you scare up the most candy?

Puscifer

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Shaved head, dark sunglasses, cowboy hat. Avoid direct eye contact.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "V is for Vagina." If you're feeling polite, opt for the remixed version, "V is for Viagra."

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: The snacks Maynard James Keenan promised last time at the Pearl and never delivered.

Slipknot

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Disturbingly clown-like mask, jumpsuit. Have eight friends dress exactly the same.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "People = shit."

Calendar

Puscifer
Oct. 29, 8 p.m., $39 - $49
Pearl at the Palms
Slipknot
Oct. 31, 8 p.m., $44 - $64
Pearl at the Palms
Rob Zombie
Oct. 30, 8 p.m., $54 - $69
Pearl at the Palms
Mitch Albom
Oct. 25, 6 p.m., $25 - $100
Temple Beth Sholom

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Heavy bag of nails.

Rob Zombie wants something sweet.

Rob Zombie

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Long unwashed hair, nappy goatee, pale face paint. For bonus points, carry around a director's chair.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: Something unintelligible and sinister, ending with "yeah!"

Mitch Albom will not be playing the Pearl, sorry.

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Sour Patch Kids--abrasive on the outside, psychotically sweet within.

Mitch Albom

Instead of vampire gear, you wear: Sincerity, cowled in schmaltz, wedged between giant ears.

Instead of "trick or treat" you say: "Tuesdays With Morrie sold more than 14 million copies!" Cackle wickedly.

Instead of Snickers, you'll get: Super-sweet cotton candy, made with the tears of more deserving writers.

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