“An envelope arrives in the mail from New Jersey. Inside is a check for $1,000 and a note from Artie Lange.” (Page 185)

“I’m a firm believer in walking away when you’re getting killed. I don’t always practice this belief, but then again, I’m a Catholic and I’m not always first in line for Sunday mass, either.” (Page 77)

“You have a 0.000154 percent chance of getting a royal flush on any given hand of hold ’em.” (Page 114)

“What did I learn from this experience? Are you kidding me? Who said anything about learning anything? I didn’t learn a damn thing.” (Page 252)

“I learned, and then I learned again, and then I learned yet again—you can’t beat the bookie.” (Page 16)