1. A tall, large, drunk woman is making so much noise we have to move. This isn’t a rock concert, it’s two dudes talking. Going to be a long night.

2. Ralph Garman, Smith’s co-host for Hollywood Babble-On, is freaking hilarious, but really, an Ed Wynn voice? No love for celebrities who are alive and/or less obscure? What’s next, impersonations of Harry Von Zell and Ezio Pinza? And somewhere along the line listening to Smith and Garman riff about the Kardashians, Rebecca Black, Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice and Sex and the City, I think: These are some pretty easy targets, guys.

3. Jason Mewes, who’s taken over for Garman on Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, has been sober 502 days. Congrats! He’s pretty funny, but the guy is like an ADD kid. I’m losing track of the number of times Kevin has had to grab his chair and pull him back to the table.

4. Kevin Smith likes Breaking Bad and thinks the ending of the Blair Witch Project is right up there with the two girls in The Shining. Suddenly, I’m having a fantasy that I could totally hang out with this guy. Look at all we have in common! Oh, right, I’m just a journalist. I totally suck. Back to reality ...

5. The guy standing next to me just got some applause for admitting that, yes, it does burn when you get peed on. Oh man ... time to move again.