Five days a week, Erin Evans controls the fate of humanity. At least the chunk of it waiting to sing on the stage at Ellis Island. She’s a karaoke jockey, a veteran of both the bar’s favorite art form and the U.S. military police. In fact, the native Las Vegan started KJing for rec nights while serving in Iraq, and over many years she’s seen and heard the spectrum of good, bad and awesomely ugly on the mic.

If you fear the spotlight, and sound more like Biz Markie than Beyoncé, Evans says no worries—and not just because of Jägerbombs. Booing isn’t permitted at Ellis Island, and this is “your chance to do a bucket-list item; you get to be a Vegas headliner.” From one reformed ball of nerves to another, Evans says: “Somebody gave me some of the best advice ever: Look, you’ll probably never see these people ever again in your life—what do you care what they think? And it hit me like a brick wall. From that point on I just decided to commit, and if it sucks, you just embrace the suck and own it.”

Step 1: Yes, liquid courage can help. A few drinks can loosen you up. Too many can make you the guy who only remembers one line from “Jack & Diane” and therefore sings four full minutes of “Suckin’ on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze.”

Step 2: Decide how to pop your “cherryoke.” Group songs are safest, especially Dirty Dancing chestnut “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.” If you’re too anxious to pick a tune, let your friends, or the KJ. “Think of some really easy songs the crowd knows that they all want to sing along to—that way if you’re having trouble and you get really nervous, trust me, they’re gonna be singing with you.”

Step 3: Stick to the old-school. New classics can win the crowd, but actual classics are a surer bet. Evans’ favorites include: Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back,” Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline,” Run-D.M.C.’s “It’s Tricky,” Aqua’s “Barbie Girl,” Young MC’s “Bust a Move,” George Michael’s “Careless Whisper,” The Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” Salt-N-Pepa’s “Shoop,” Joan Jett & The Blackhearts’ “I Love Rock ’n’ Roll,” The Righteous Brothers’ “Unchained Melody,” Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” and, of course, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” for the gutsy rookies.

Step 4: Don’t fear ballads. If you’re into it, a slow song won’t bring down the crowd (see: tone-deaf dude slaying “I Will Always Love You”). “I just tell everybody on the microphone: ‘It’s couples’ skate. Grab somebody you love—dancefloor’s open!’”

Step 5: Trust your KJ. Evans backs you up with everything from hoisting an “Awesome” sign to saying it’s your 21st birthday—even if you’re 60—to rapping “Go ninja, go ninja, go” behind your Vanilla Ice track. “Shut your eyes, sing to me, trust me. I’ll be singing right here next to you.”

Step 6: Ham it up. The more fun you have, the more fun everybody has. That means air guitar (and harmonica!) and dancing, but be sparing with the mic-hump, or Evans will Handi-Wipe it for the crowd’s amusement. And if you take on Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself,” don’t stare at the KJ and slink suggestively toward her. “Go touch yourself over there on the other side of the stage!”

Step 7: Just don’t ... Drop the mic (you are not Kanye) or get too comfy and start doing shout-outs and story time. Most importantly, “don’t be intimidated because it is such a famous spot, and there is such a long wait, and yeah, everybody’s so amazing it’s like, I can’t sing in front of these people. ’Cause we love the rookies just as much as we love the pros. By all means, bring on the first-timers. We’ll sing along with you.”

Ellis Island karaoke Sunday-Thursday, 9 p.m.-3 a.m.; Friday & Saturday, 9 p.m.-4 a.m.