First there were storm troopers, about 30 strong, clad in white plastic from head to foot, parading past the press in the non-red-carpeted red-carpet area. Then, a puppet, a porn star and a penis. The puppet was Crank Yankers' Bobby Fletcher (performed by Jim Florentine), the porn star was Jenna Jameson and the penis belonged to Steve-O, of Jackass and now Wildboyz fame. Missing were the fuzzy cameras and whomp-whomp music—this was Spike TV's kid-friendly Video Game Awards last Tuesday at the MGM's Grand Garden Arena.
The surreal turned to buffoonery when Steve-O and his cohort, Chris Pontius, rolled out of their limo, eyes glassy, screaming and stumbling toward the crowd of people and press. It was clear Steve-O's inhibitions were long washed away by whatever he was pouring into his mouth from a red plastic cup, which he later tossed to the crowd. But not before using it in some kind of body contortion stunt-thing, where he went from standing, to laying down, to putting most of his body weight on his head, to standing again, while the cup went from his forehead, to his knees, to the ground, to his hands.
Once he was standing again, out came the penis—well, the whole frank-and-beans package. It wasn't like it was a screw-you move. By his beaming face, it seemed he just wanted to share as much of himself as he could. The predominantly male crowd wasn't sure what to do. Some stared. Most looked away.
An MTV publicist followed along, quietly pleading with him to not expose himself, encouraging him to talk about his show and keeping him from stumbling into the crowd. He took her advice and gave the bemused reporters and cameramen a Wildboyz rundown: it's "gay," and they're losing all of their viewers, and that's why they had to come here, to get people to watch it. The publicist winced. Steve-O exposed himself again, laughing maniacally. He was feeling like a pretty funny guy, standing there with his shiny blue thong visible over his pants, which seemed to be hanging low on his waist for easy access.
That wasn't his only trick of the night. After exposing himself a third time, he disappeared down the line of reporters and cameras, and all seemed calm and relatively genital-free. Then, there he was, behind us, dressed in overalls and a bright red shirt, holding a barrel over his head. Wildboyz pal Chris, dressed in a gorilla suit, climbed the rungs of a really tall, really skinny ladder. He was Donkey Kong to Steve-O's Mario, and something very strange was about to happen. As Donkey Kong reached the top of the ladder, Steve-O hurled the barrel, striking the monkey, who fell at least 10 feet to the ground. Then, they switched. Steve-O balanced a leg of the ladder on his chin, the monkey hurled the barrel and both objects crashed and flew into the night. That ended the pre-show (which earlier consisted of a few girls bouncing volleyballs) and they all went inside for the real Video Game Awards show, where, according to reports, presenter Steve-O was inspired, again, to show off his joystick.