STATE OF THE CITY |
Wary Christmas Orange alerts, flu fears, water worries, Santa looks disturbingly like post-spider-hole Saddam, U.S. soldiers begin Operation Santa Claws in Iraq, and our shopping still isn't done. Tension is rising in this, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. The national media is counting off influenza deaths; Clark County exhausted its supply of flu shots once already. The national terror alert was raised to orange - high -- just in time for all of us to get on planes at McCarran. Under the tree: Gas masks? Influenza innoculations? Sedatives? Or blinders? Tis the season to be merry, very, nervous. |
The Period of Respectful Silence on the Subject of Roy Horn Is Apparently Over
From a Maxim interview with comedian Norm McDonald:
Q: You've done sitcoms, live TV, movies, stand-up ... are there any challenges left that you want to take on?
A: Well, I've recently developed a great love for white tigers. I hear there's a job opening ...
Blame Oregon, or No Wonder the Rebels Keep Having Sucky Football Seasons
From The Portland Oregonian, December 19:
"Tens of thousands of students flood ... Las Vegas high schools, their populations booming along with the city's, and many of those kids play football. Ten years ago, there were 16 teams in Southern Nevada's biggest football conference. Next fall, there will be 27.
"The unlikely chief bottler of this brimming oasis of talent is Oregon State.
"The Beavers have eight players from Las Vegas, more than the rest of the Pacific-10 Conference combined. Of those eight players, four are starters—two considered among OSU's all-time best at their positions."
Is That Where My Pool Went? Or, So That Explains the Rising Cost of Homes
Vegas thief Aaron Hugh Deaton was busted in Tucson this week with more than $100,000-worth of construction-site lumber, a spa, an above-ground pool and bricks that he planned to sell at yard sales—some of which had been stolen from Vegas.
Metro's Jose Montoya told The Arizona Daily Star that Deaton, who apparently left Vegas in 2001, had "pages and pages" of arrest records here from 1992 to 2000—including charges of grand larceny, theft, possession of burglary tools, fictitious license plates and contempt of court.
"He's pretty good at what he does," said a Tucson cop.
Couldn't They Name the Sahara-Decatur Intersection After Me Instead?
Word of a County Commission plan to name the Beltway—the 53-mile highway purported to "ring the city" but which merely horseshoes it—after Bruce Woodbury for his decades-long work championing better commutes struck Gray Matters as a dubious way to say thanks.
Consider: On some stretches, the four-lane highway carries more traffic than it was designed for, intense bottlenecks grip several frontage roads on its western half during rush hour and, according to the state Department of Transportation, there have been more than 12 deaths since 2000 on or near Beltway intersections and frontage roads.
This Is a Test of the Emergency Theatrical System. This Is Only a Test.
Modern civilization rests upon the unshakable foundation formed by God, sex and bowling. We learned that in Sunday school.
So curiosity compelled us to visit www.godsexandbowling.com, whereth dwell the loons of Test Market, a.k.a. writer/director/actor Ernest Hemmings and actor/production manager Francine Gordon. The website describes what they do as "live performance art ... that incorporates time coding, minimalism, absurd theater and Russian ballet." (Da, Russian ballet!) "Each show is formulated and prepared with no regard for audience reaction." (That sure takes the stress out of it!) "Sound is recorded in 'real time' and played back during the performance, so it is crucial that the actors know the work verbatim ... the timing and delivery of each line is crucial to match what is happening on tape. Improv is for p---ies."
Working out of the SEAT (Social Experimentation and Absurd Theater) Theatre at 103 E. Charleston, they change material every month. On December 25 at 8 p.m., there's Long, Short Long, the first part of their independent film series, including Chocolate Cake, H-Life and The Human Zoo ("questionable" eggnog will be served). Tickets are $8 at the door. And on January 2, from 7-9 p.m., look for the REEL Demonstration, "utilizing time, space and sound to create ever-changing environments and characters." Tickets are $5.
My Parents Went To the Grand Canyon and All I Got Was This Nasty Videotape
From a news release from AdventureSex.com:
"Intercourse in four states at once? Sex on the Golden Gate Bridge? YES!!! A new reality film from AdventureSex.com has pushed daredevil filmmaking to the extreme. The film, entitled On the Road Trip, features a young couple and two crew members who travel from the most southwest part of the United States to the most northeast part in search of Adventure Sex. With no scripts and no rules, the crew attempts sexual feats at national landmarks such as the Hollywood Sign ... an exhilirating attempt for sexual bliss on the Golden Gate Bridge ... Grand Canyon, and the Four Corners Monument ..."