LETTERS

Kudos for Our New Glossy Cover Roll in from Unexpected Quarters

I know I've been saying the economy has turned around, but I didn't really believe it until Alan Greenspan showed me the new slick cover on the Las Vegas Weekly. "Told you!" he said. "You owe me $5." Congratulations!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Excellent new look for your fine paper!

Your cover is "da bomb"!

Honk If You're in Touch with Your Annual Cycle!

The following actual letter arrived in response to our November 6 feature on restaurant inspections:

Timing is important.

As the dregs of winter approach, more people will eat more food just to maintain optimum body temperature. Thus the article on restaurant inspections is very much a public service.

In summertime, when restaurants experience their slowest sales week(s), keeping up with cleanliness is definitely easier. Cooler temperatures mean faster pacing and cleanliness could suffer, if management does NOT adequately increase staffing.

Likewise since summertime appetite decreases in direct reverse-proportion to the ambient air temperaure, and if anyone isn't aware of this they are NOT sufficiently in tune with the annual cycle, the majority of food-poisoning complaints should also come in the coolest week of the year. The evidence for food poisoning doesn't wait for the inspectors, it disperses out through the customer base.

Also, congratulations on the leap to higher quality paper for the covers. I wonder how long it might take the other weeklies to follow your lead?

Editor's note:
Other weeklies?

Sonja: Intelligent, Introspective and Fun

The following arrived for Wink columnist Sonja:

I thought the November 6 column about your son was the best one you've written. As a 45-year-old divorced male, I've found your column disturbing at times, the sense of frustration hauntingly familiar and the occasional immaturity a bit frightening. Of course, I suspected you were only showing us the side of your life that fit the theme of your column. Thank you for showing us the adult Sonja; intelligent, introspective and fun. I just read your column, was impressed and wanted to say thanks.

Editor's note:
Yeah, yeah. Let's back up a moment: Other weeklies?

From the Weekly Mailroom

Every so often, a day will pass in which no insane person sends us e-mail about President Bush fornicating with Satan. Those days are rare, however. Now and then, we gather the best of those messages, bundle them together and throw them into the trash. Other times, like now, we print a few choice excerpts—mostly to fill space, but also to fill more space.

You can imagine our excitement when we received an e-mail from Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry. Alas, the author turned out to be neither that Dave Barry, nor a humorist. He was, rather, a guy peeved about the Reagan miniseries CBS hadn't yet mustered the cowardice to cancel.

"It is very sad that some choose to 'kick a man when he is down,'" Barry wrote, adding, "CBS may your ratings suffer drastically from here forward for choosing to broadcast this smear."

Asked if he'd actually seen the show he was passing judgment on, the nonhumorous Dave Barry admitted he hadn't, but didn't seem to think he needed to. "It has been viewed and quoted from directly from the script. I trust my very reputable sources." This Dave Barry might not be a journalist, but he'd make a good editor at the New York Times.

Debra Vitale was also concerned about the effect the Reagan miniseries would have on those viewers unable to separate history from entertainment, as if there's any difference. "The main point is that people will be led to believe that it is totally factual, which it certainly is not," Deb insisted. "What ever happened to truth?" She hadn't seen the show, either.

One Holly Keely wrote in to inform us that "pres bush has 'left his first love'—Jesus—& is now HOTLY pursuing an adulterous fornicating relationship with satan!!!"

Yeah, well, go tell it to the Times. We've got a chamberpot full of Rade Q. Zone prose to dump. For those not in the know, Zone is a local performance artist of some sort who carries a grudge against the local cultural establishment for not recognizing his genius. Reading Joe Schoenmann's eulogy for Cafe Espresso Roma last week, Zone was moved to chortle—in a badly spelled, horribly capitalized e-mail—with delight:

"i say ha! thank god its finally gone! what a bunch of reverse-loser-snobs. this 'place' that was so snooty about not having a standup comedy show is also the place that is folding up cuz their cheap ass customers didnt support it. ... i say HA! godd riddance, Roma. I piss on your grave ... and it's about time." Not exactly how Dave Barry might have put it—that is, in readable English—but we get that you're angry about something. We've never met you, but we hear you're a complete jerk, and we trust our very reputable sources.