1) Does the book's cover: a) feature a shot of a women's legs or torso; b) present the book's title in a loopy script; c) contain bright, appealing, Easter-egg-like pastels; or d) otherwise appear an irresistibly delicious confection?
2) Is the book's author: a) Jane Green; b) Helen Fielding; c) Melissa Senate; or d) Jennifer Weiner?
3) Is the main character one or more of the following: a) young; b) female; c) attractive; or d) single?
4) Does she worry about: a) her weight; b) her career; c) the elasticity of her skin; d) her clothes; or e) the fact that she is unloved and alone in the world?
5) Does she live: a) in a crappy walk-up with former college roommate; b) in a postcollegiate group house with alienated peers; c) with her commitment-phobic boyfriend; or d) with an unhelpful husband and two needy children in whom she's rapidly losing interest?
6) Does she have one or more of the following: a) a gay best friend; b) a snarky, disapproving feminist pal who needs to get laid; c) a mother who is the bane of her existence; d) a boyfriend whom all of the former despise?
7) Does she work at: a) a women's magazine; b) a newspaper; c) a TV station; d) any other organization that can be linked, however tenuously, to "the media"?
8) Does her boss: a) make her fetch, copy, and carry things; b) pat her on the ass; c) give her sage, motherly advice from her comfortable suburban spread, complete with hubby and 2.8 children; or d) resemble a well-known media personality?
9) Does she sleep with: a) a young turk who just wrote a hot new novel; b) not enough people, according to her married best friend; c) her best friend's husband; or d) a guy named Paolo?
10) Then, does she: a) take fabulously humorous revenge on her boss and get a great job, thus emerging triumphantly from the dregs of her career; b) get over her ex-boyfriend; c) get over her boyfriend's ex; d) meet/marry a fabulous guy who's so much better than her stupid ex; or e) realize the object of her affections is a stupid jerk, cease the affair with him immediately and return to her dreamy husband and children?
If you answered a, b, c, or d to any of the above, it is likely that you have recently purchased a volume of Chick Lit. If itching or irritation occurs, discontinue use immediately.
L.S.