With a Comedy Central special, appearances all over late-night and a new CD under his belt, Dane Cook is breaking out of the Flavor of The Month category and is on his way to becoming stand-up's next star. It doesn't hurt that laddie mags Maxim and Stuff both voted him Comedian of The Year and Ramp magazine named him Sexiest Comic in America.
Indeed, Cook is about as far away from the quiet musings of a Seinfeld or Romano as a habanero pepper is from mayonaise. Onstage, Cook is a tightly wound bundle of manic energy. Giant strides across the stage, crouching, sometimes rolling on the ground, spilling his bottled water on his head. His physical ferocity is matched by his material: stories and ponderings that explode rapid-fire, with shrapnel segues that show off his Bostonian improv underpinnings.
When did you first start doing stand-up?
It started right at the end of my high school senior year. I went to Catch A Rising Star, which was in Harvard Square, Massachussets, at the time. David Cross was hosting an open-mike night. You'd sit in the crowd and David Cross would do comedy and then look at his list and call the name out. I was just sitting in the audience, just watching to get an idea of what it was like because I knew I wanted to do it. He said, "Ernest Glen, where are you at? Ernest Glen?" And there was that one second of quiet in the room and I had a hunch that Ernest Glen had not shown so I threw my hand up. So, my first five minutes ever were as Ernest Glen. Thank you, Ernest, for not showing up.
You were raised Catholic. How has that played into your comedy?
About four years ago, back in Boston, the pastor from my church and Sunday school came out to the show. And I do this eight-minute bit on what it's like being at church and how nobody knows the moves and maneuvers, and nobody wants to shake each other's hands because they're coughing into it. Finally, I came off stage and Father Swensky was right there. "All right, tell me the truth, what did you think," I asked. And he said, "Oh, Dane, it was so funny!" "Great, so I'm cool," I said. And he said, "No, you're going to hell. Funny, though. It will kill in hell."
In your routines, you say that your first job was at Burger King. What was your last day job?
My last day job was at a video store called Video Horizons that I was working at back in Cambridge. I was the assistant manager. I was doing well and making great money, but one day I walked to the owner, Mark, and said I quit. And he said, "Quit? What do you mean? Why?" I said "I'm going to be a stand-up comedian full time. I'm going to go on the road, I'm going to suffer." And he said, "Dane, I've gotta tell you, you've got a great job here, and it's a one-in-a-million shot." I said, "Nope, here are the keys, I'm done, I'm done today. I'm tired of renting movies of people I know. I'm going to be in them."
About a year and a half ago, I was headlining in L.A. and who walks into the club but my old boss, Mark. He came up to me and put his hand out and said, "Congratulations, you're doing it! We rent your movies at the store; we have a little Dane Cook section. But, Dane, you've got to make some better movies."
What's the worst joke you've ever told?
I did a bit years ago, it's an actual article that I still have hanging in my office. And the article from this tabloid said "I Was Raped By A Snowman." That was the headline. I brought it up on stage with me and said "If you see this snowman, we have to put a stop to this. He made her touch his snowballs. That cannot happen again." I keep that on my wall as a reminder: "Think the jokes through, Dane."
If you were interviewing yourself, what would you ask Dane Cook?
I would say, physically, what's the strangest thing you've ever done. I was in a Chinese restaurant about five years into doing stand-up and I was doing this Jurassic Park thing. I could imitate a velociraptor, so I'm throwing my neck around and I'm crouching and the crowd is going crazy. I'm getting a little too into it, and I jump on this table and start eating this person's food. I jump and glasses start going everywhere and people are jumping up, and I'm sticking my face in their plates and coming up with chicken fingers sticking out of my mouth. I jump onto the next table and the screws underneath, on the opposite side, just gave way and the whole table goes up, hits the guy opposite me in the chin. I fall down, the table goes up, food is everywhere. The guy bit his tongue. It was bad. They picked me up and the owner of the restaurant is screaming at me, "You're not getting paid tonight!" I was so embarrassed driving home with sauce all over myself. I said, "OK, time to write more. Less physical, more written."
What do you have in your pockets right now?
I have a room key for the hotel I'm staying at and a guitar pick, which I always have somewhere on my person. I never wanted to play guitar. I met this girl when I was a junior in high school, and we went on a date. And, at the end of the date, I dropped her off at her house and she said, "Do you want a guitar? I have this old guitar that, when my brother left town, he left it here." I said OK, so she went inside and came back with this guitar case. She put it down on the hood of my car, opened it, and it was a mint-condition '54 Fender Strat. I went home and didn't touch it for six months. I finally picked it up one day and started trying to play AC/DC's "Back in Black" and I couldn't stop. I was determined to get that song. It was hours of sweating in the basement, and I finally got the chord. Then I heard another song on the radio and I was like, "I gotta get that." I started playing it all the time and I never stopped. I keep the guitar pick as a reminder to myself that there can be something right in front of you that you never touch, but if you do touch it, it could be gold. Never be afraid to pick up that joke. You never know what might come out of it. And that's how I live my life. Where the fear is, that's where the good stuff is.
Dane Cook is at the Paris' Theatre des Arts, 9 p.m., October 24 through 26. Tickets start at $40. Call 946-4567 or visit www.vegas.com.