There were prostitutes and plagiarists, double-dippers and dirty dancers. It was an exhausting week in Las Vegas news, a wonderful, pitiful week in Las Vegas news, the kind of week that makes a person glad to be a spectator.
In a delightful stars-cross, universe-coalesces kind of way, prostitution and education seemed to bracket the week's news. The mayor reiterated his support for legalizing brothels as a means of Downtown redevelopment, while in Pahrump, where the nearest legal brothels operate in redeveloped trailers, officials expressed a need for a college. Meanwhile, supporters of the once must-have State College said the former vitamin factory may now need to host high school courses because so few students enrolled in the college.
But of far more concern to us than the empty roll books at the State College in Henderson was the terrible affair at the forgotten four-year university in the middle of town. At UNLV, a 19-year-old history major who penned a column lauding Christopher Columbus was fired from the Rebel Yell for plagiarism, because, two part-time professors said, his opinions about the most famous explorer on Earth weren't terribly original. This is astounding. Still more peculiar, said one, his column seemed "too advanced for a college student."
The community, led by the Review-Journal, was aghast. But the tragedy, it was determined, wasn't that he and his not-so-original ideas might be too advanced for UNLV, or that he might have ethical problems, because who cares, but rather that his firing reeked of multiculturalism. Egad! Turns out the purveyors of political correctness were terrorizing the community—and the whole horrible scene was duly noted in the Review-Journal on Sunday, alongside a column supporting the mayor's desire to legalize prostitution.
In the middle of all of this oppressive political correctness, a new burlesque show opened, and Channel 3 had an on-set, live interview with one of the dancers: "It's about the tease," she told a newscaster, and giggled. Despite the obvious news value of this, it still got less coverage than the new sexed-up pirate show at TI, which rivaled the World Series, because the TI show offered tourists a rare chance to see trampily clad women on the Strip. It was, on behalf of the casino formerly known as Treasure Island, a laudable --or worrisome -- move toward embracing diversity. It's not just male pirates any more, thank you very much; it's singing, fighting, bust-acious chick pirates. Equity.
As the din of multiculturalism grew, Assemblyman Wendell Williams marched on Martin Luther King Boulevard to clear his name, saying about his double-dipping in city and state coffers, "the city overreacted to a large degree." The press, too, it was alleged, overreacted—but as a function of racism, not multiculturalism. Some sort of ism. This sent some members of the press into public introspection, wondering aloud whether we singled out Williams because we're racist or because he flouted laws and cheated taxpayers.
It may have been something far more egregious. It may have been about the tease. True, Williams wasn't alone in receiving double-dipped tax dollars while languishing away up there in Carson City trying to figure out how to make up for a shortage in tax dollars. But he was the one who had a young female friend conspicuously present. She wore a special legislative aid blazer—and maybe even knee socks and a short, plaid schoolgirl skirt, we don't know. But we can wonder. And we did.
Because that sort of behavior from a public official just stands out as corrupt in a city inside a county run by strip-club owner Michael Galardi, whose friends and politicians continued to line up for federal investigation and court appearances this week. This long string of news, now expected to stretch into 2005, threatened to leave us disappointed in the strip-club industry.
But there's very little time to worry about the fraying moral fiber of titty-show hustlers when our white teenagers are videotaping themselves beating people up. And we kept re-broadcasting it. There's a chance the 311 Boyz will ultimately break out as a successful boy band. Until then, however, we continued to Rain Man over fallen angels:
What makes privileged suburban boys act like this? Is it video games? TV? Rap? Video games? TV? Video games? Video games?
In somehow less talked-about recent news, a man killed himself after first stealing several cars, leading the police on a chase and killing a police dog. Two teenagers were charged with a violent crime spree that included beating and robbing several old people for cocaine money. They failed to videotape it, blowing their chance at the big time. A fourth-grader was expelled from a Henderson school for bringing a loaded handgun to school. Mormon Church leaders jumped up and combed through a suspected child molester's computer files before police had a chance to confiscate it. The higher court upheld the appeal of convicted Binion killers Sandra Murphy and Rick Tabish. A few more pedestrians were run over. The Stratosphere tested its new gut-dumping thrill ride. The weather cooled, but the water waste continued. County planners OK'd more development near Red Rock.
Then, just when we tuned to 60 Minutes to see what's troubling elsewhere, there was the mayor. Our mayor. With Steve Kroft. Threatening the federal government with road blocks should the DOE try to truck nuclear waste through our city—our double-dipping, dirty-dancing, prostitute-and-plagiarist-laden, wildly developing, multiculturally tormented city.
It made us proud.