In its latest issue, the Mountain Gazette, a small but feisty magazine based in Colorado, ponders one of the eternal mysteries: Why is Wayne Newton popular? "Newton, for reasons we cannot begin to fathom, remains at the very top of Gomorrah on the Mojave. We ... just don't get it." The Gazette then asks readers for their explanations. We thought we'd help get the discussion going:
Scott Dickensheets: Simple. Vegas drugs the vodka. One martini and visitors hear themselves saying, "You know what would be fun? Seeing Wayne Newton!" It also works for Celine.
Damon Hodge: The secret is the hair and its Medusa-like effect—freezing folks in their tracks. Explains why he's been a hit in Vegas and on USO Tours: Onlookers can't run.
Steve Bornfeld: Certain things are touristy givens. You visit New York, you go see the prehistoric bones at the Museum of Natural History. You visit Vegas, you go see the prehistoric bones at the Stardust.
Horton Veal: You young punks know nothing. Mr. Newton puts on a hell of an entertaining show—what Vegas used to be about!
On Monday, Nevada's five presidential electors gathered in Carson City to officially cast their ballots for president along with the nation's other Electoral College voters. You thought this was over more than a month ago? Silly voter. That was just the part that doesn't matter. Interestingly, federal law does not require electoral voters to vote according to the popular vote. Nevada law, however, does. We're a red state for four more years.
Grub reporter Scott Dickensheets tried something different for lunch the other day:
You heard me—pastrami. On a hamburger. Gotta admit, it's an intriguing idea: two big, meaty flavors under one bun, with a squirt of mustard, of course, and the usual rabbit food that gets loaded on a burger. It's not a bad combo; at first, the pastrami's boiled, fatty taste and grainy texture make for an intriguing chaser to the familiar grilled beef. It'll give you a fleeting memory of old deli experiences. But after a few bites, the thrill is gone. It's a novelty sandwich, something you try once if you're in a goofy mood, but not a lunch to love. Until they use a rye bun, at least.
Count Time among the winners in the who-can-do-the-most-Harry-Reid-interviews sweepstakes, the magazine penning its second profile since the November 2 election. The December 13 story features candid insight from Searchlight's most famous (and only) senator.
"I guess it's no secret that both my parents drank heavily. I didn't learn my family values in Searchlight," the Democratic minority whip says of the place where his father committed suicide and his mother washed laundry for local brothels.
"Mormons were the most admirable people when I left home, and I guess I was looking for some stability. I don't like to talk about religion much, but you asked."
David McKee set down his remote long enough to file this peevish assessment:
Don't have facts? Just make 'em up! That seems to be the operative motto on the 7 p.m. newscast at Gold 33. Padded out with acres of fluff from here in Vegas (local auditions for Elimidate were high-priority news last November 30) is a core of national and international material piped in from "News Central," a.k.a. Sinclair Broadcasting HQ in Maryland.
This isn't an entirely bad thing, as the local studio segments are of jaw-dropping ineptitude. Anchorwoman Rachel Smith sounds as if she's permanently inhaled helium, and she and sidekick Guy Farris fumble their embarrassing "banter" as if it were a wet-ball drill. News 3 hypemeisters Jim Snyder and Nina Radetich look like Walter Cronkite and Helen Thomas by comparison.
In keeping with its status as the little Fox News that couldn't, Sinclair has hitched its wagon to the "War on Terror" star. That Monday, "News Central" anchorman Morris Jones' top five or six stories all flogged a "terrorism" angle, even if in two cases it was basically conjured out of thin air. The most egregious instance, a story about perchlorate infiltrating food supplies, had no terrorism connection other than a bald assertion by Jones that led into the story.
Sinclair's stiff Hannity wannabe, Mark Hyman, adds further unwitting comedy. In one recent bloviation, he blundered right up to the edge of libel. Among those he accused of "lies" were both Richard Clarke and President Bush in their 9/11 commission testimony, as was Mark Geragos for having the impertinence to offer a defense of Scott Peterson. (I guess nobody told Hyman about that constitutional nicety that allows defense attorneys to present alternative theories of the crime.) Whoa there, big boy: I'd go easy on those accusations of perjury.
So the next time somebody catches you spewing complete balderdash, don't admit you pulled it out of your butt. Say it's from "news central."
Review-Journal sports scribe Kevin Iole, who moonlights for maxboxing.com, asks: "Is Floyd Mayweather Jr. still boxing? If it weren't for the courtroom, the one-time pound-for-pound claimant would be harder to spot than Jimmy Hoffa. Unless, of course, you hang out at the celebrity-laden nights at the Palms. And then you might find the supposedly in-training Pretty Boy with a bottle of Hennessey in hand."
Widely considered among the top five boxers in the world, the undefeated Las Vegas-based fighter has had more courtroom appearances (three) than fights (none) since his last contest on May 22. He's scheduled to fight again on January 22.
Nine of the state's 11 gambling markets had year-over-year revenue increases for October. The two that didn't? South Lake Tahoe, which was hurt by road closings caused by storms, and the mayor's baby, downtown Las Vegas.
On the activism front comes news of the Grannies for the Homeless movement, a group of matriarchal Mabels concerned about helping indigents (especially with feeding them and finding places for them to use the bathroom).
"There was an excuse awhile back that if Port a Pots (sic) were put up, the homeless would use them for doing drugs," writes activist Linda Lera Randel-El. "This makes the assumption that all homeless are substance abusers. All homeless are not drug users but they are bathroom users."
Led by Betty Byrd, Grannies for the Homeless is seeking funding to buy a Porta-Potty for the homeless Downtown.
Is Vegas losing its Sin City cachet on national television to a quartet of horny hausfraus? We wonder when rookie phenom Desperate Housewives climbs to the very tippy-top of the Nielsen ratings—as it did recently—displacing longtime leader CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Is there actually more good old-fashioned sinnin' goin' on over at Wisteria Lane than on Vegas-centric CSI, where there's only such dreary matters as murder and gooey body parts? We suggest it may be time to consider a write-in campaign to Desperate network ABC to get America's favorite house babes to relocate to another outwardly idyllic but inwardly dark, deceptive, perhaps even foreboding suburban enclave. Did someone mention ... Summerlin?