The Middle-to-Bottom 10 Stories of the Year

Here, our roundup of stories not worth stopping the presses for



LEO, WHO'S THAT GUY WITH THE NOTEPAD AND EYE PATCH WASHING YOUR WINDOWS EVERY DAY?


In October, Leonardo DiCaprio announced he's buying a 27th-floor apartment in Panorama Towers.




HI, GLADYS, I'M JESSICA. I'M A SINGER! WHAT DO YOU DO?


VH-1 filmed another Divas concert in Las Vegas, this one starring Patti LaBelle, Jessica Simpson, Cyndi Lauper, Debbie Harry and Gladys Knight.




THAT EXPLAINS THE SINGING WAITERS. WHAT, THOSE WERE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES? NEVER MIND.


2004 was Nevada's 140th birthday.




THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE THOMAS MITCHELL'S MUSTACHE A VOTE


The Las Vegas Review-Journal selects cowboy poet Waddie Mitchell as its official mascot for the Las Vegas Centennial, despite the fact that neither cowboys nor poets played a huge role in the city—and Waddie lives in Elko.




WE BLAME THOMAS MITCHELL'S MUSTACHE FOR THIS, TOO


In February, many auto keyless-entry systems mysteriously failed to work.




DOCTORS ALSO FOUND TRACES OF RICHARD ZISER'S ASS


Papers reported on January 1 that Sen. Harry Reid had a damaged nerve removed from his left foot.




LUCKILY, DUNKIN' DONUTS HAS A FLIGHT-FOR-LIFE UNIT FOR JUST THESE EMERGENCIES


In April, Henderson police ended a 24-hour standoff—the longest in city history—with a man and his 13 pit bulls.




NEXT, HE'LL FENCE HIMSELF OFF, BUY 13 PIT BULLS AND MOVE TO HENDERSON


Cole Ford, onetime kicker for the Oakland raiders, in custody for allegedly firing shots at Siegfried & Roy's compound, railed about the exploitation of atheletes, and asserted, "I consider me private property."




NO, WAIT, THAT WAS JUST JEFF BEACHER PULLING ANOTHER PUBLICITY STUNT


In May, high winds caused a blimp departing the North Las Vegas Airport to crash into two nearby office buildings.




JUST WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO COMPLETE MY MASTERWORK, 'THERE ONCE WAS A LASS FROM PAHRUMP'!



Norman Kaye, poet laureate since 1966, was unhappy to learn this fall that he'll be replaced. "I feel I have earned the job," said the octogenarian real-estate broker and songwriter.

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