"L ... is for the way you look at me ... O ... is for the on-ly oooone I see ... V is very, very, ex-tra-ordinary ... E is even more than an-y-one that you adore; and love was made for you and meeeeeeee!" I crooned into the microphone at a karaoke bar that I'd been dragged to by a girlfriend who had just had a major blowout with her boyfriend.
Apparently, after two years of dating, she was under the mistaken impression that this Valentine's Day he was going to pop the big question. When he'd informed her otherwise, she questioned whether or not to continue the relationship. I, on the other hand, was completely distraught because I don't even have a Valentine. As far as society dictates, I am a LOSER!
After my big number, we sat at the bar commiserating over our situations and the pressures associated with Valentine's Day. Sitting at a video poker machine next to us was a woman who had to be close to 80 years old. Her hair was dyed as black as a raven, and she had a cigarette dangling from her brazen, ruby-red lips. She looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, "I love that f--king song. Here's to L-o-v-e! If you ain't got love, you ain't got ..." She tipped back her head and downed the rest of her Dewar's on the rocks. "Hit me again, Marvin," she told the bartender.
I smiled a secret smile at Julia, who went on with her story. "I just don't think I can do this anymore. He says he loves me, but I'm not sure. I really thought he would propose this Valentine's Day. I wanted it to be really special."
"Please forgive me for saying so," interrupted the woman next to us, blowing smoke rings into the air, "but he's probably not ready to marry you because A) you're stupid, and B) Valentine's Day sucks!" And with that she let out a huge belch that reeked of booze.
"I beg your pardon?" Julia asked indignantly. But I quietly put my hand on hers and shook my head. Something told me that this woman next to us with the face of a worn-out angel and the mouth of a sailor might have something to say that we should hear.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, dolly. All's I'm sayin' is that you are beautiful and young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Youth is wasted on the young ..." she trailed off for a moment. "If I knew then what I know now ... You have a good man?" she asked Julia.
Julia nodded.
"Then why in the hell would you spend one minute being sad or questioning if he's the one, based on the fact that you're not getting what you want on a made-up, marketing-sham, bullshit holiday like Valentine's? What you don't know could fill a book, dolly. I got some news for you girls: Men don't give a shit what the cards that you spend hours picking out say; roses die; heart-shaped boxes of chocolates give you a big, fat, heart-shaped ass; and on February 15th, everybody is just damn glad the whole mess is over. Expectations are always too high and disappointment is almost always the aftermath.
"Valentine's Day should be celebrated every damned day. Every day that you are blessed enough to love and be loved should be rejoiced, not questioned or dissected. If you are lucky enough to find someone who gets you, whose shit you can put up with, who makes you laugh, who understands why you cry, who can pick you up when you've hit the wall and dusts you off, and dances with you, making you forget all of your troubles and worries if only for one damn minute, then rejoice. Every day.
"And if you haven't found that someone," she said, looking directly at me for some reason, "keep your heart open and soft, celebrating every day the chance to find the love you're looking for and you'll find it ... when you least expect it. Most importantly, don't set your f--king expectations so f--king high that you never allow yourself to find that one special love. I was young once, and beautiful too," she said flipping her black hair off of her shoulder. "But I was stupid. I was never happy, nothing was ever good enough. I was always looking for more. Now I'm 82, and besides my cat, Garfield, named for the President, not that stupid f--king cartoon cat, I'm all alone. I'd do it differently, dollies, but you do whatever the hell you want," and with that she went back to her video poker, her cigarette and her Dewar's on the rocks.
Her words had struck a chord in both of us. Maybe Valentine's Day is just a made-up holiday that puts tremendous pressure on all of us to do the right things. Or maybe it's just a reminder that what's really important is to celebrate not only the love we have, but the excitement of finding the love we're searching for—each and every day.
Julia's change of heart was apparent as she picked up the microphone and sang at the top of her lungs, "Love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two. Two in love can make it ... Take my heart and please don't break it ... Love was made for meeee and youuuuu!"