"What are a few of your favorite things?" asked Ian as he kissed me tenderly. "I want to do them all."
As his lips gently pressed against mine, I knew the moment had finally arrived. The moment I'd waited so patiently for. The moment of truth. The moment where two bodies become one and we find out if we are as compatible in bed as we are out.
We'd waited long enough, and I was certain that we were going to be incredible together. I was so happy that I'd waited to establish a strong foundation built on respect, admiration and friendship. So happy that I'd waited for this man, this amazing, sexy, charming man to share myself with. So happy that I'd gotten a bikini wax.
He dimmed the lights and put on some music. Techno music, which I despise, but hey, I was caught up in the moment and wasn't going to complain. He laid me down softly on the bed, my heart pounding in anticipation. He looked into my eyes and asked, "Are you alright?" I nodded, unable to find the words to express how badly I wanted him. He kissed me. First on the lips, then my neck. He deeply inhaled the scent of my perfume and a small moan escaped my throat. Yes, these are a few of my favorite things. "My God, you smell beautiful. I need to..." his words stopped, but his kisses didn't, as he traveled down my trembling body stopping at my navel.
His tongue slowly licked as his teeth gently tugged at my navel ring. (I know I'm a little old for a pierced navel, but the ring is the perfect camouflage for a tiny stretch mark over my button after having given birth, so cut me some slack). He kept kissing me there, licking, nibbling, kissing. At first it was such a turn-on I could hardly stand it. Back arched, anxiously awaiting his kisses to drop, just a few more inches, just a few teensy, tiny little inches ... inches that never came. Fifteen minutes later, I was bored.
Then it was over. He crawled back up and laid on top of me, gazing into my eyes. "How was that, did that feel good? he asked in a sexy tone.
"Um, no..." I thought to myself, "It felt like you licked my belly button and then left a sister hanging." Of course, I didn't say that. I just lay there. Shocked. He couldn't be serious, right? That couldn't be it.
"You haven't seen anything yet," he answered as though he could read my thoughts. "I have so much more in store for you."
Well, thank God!
He took my hand and placed it on him. I fumbled momentarily, maybe it was the angle. I was having a hard time finding it. "That's nice, baby," he said. Apparently I had found it. And let me tell you, there wasn't much to work with. Why is it that the guys with the smallest units are the ones who talk the biggest game?
I held it between my finger and thumb like a cigarette and wondered if I could get lung cancer if I tried to smoke the thing.
Then he jumped out of bed, hips gyrating to the sounds of the techno music and opened his nightstand drawer. From it, he took out two pairs of handcuffs, a blindfold and a tickle whip. "I want you to cuff me to the bed and blindfold me. Then I want you to tickle me ... Unless I'm naughty. Then use the whip side and slap my inner thighs, as hard as you like, you can't hurt me. And then, I want you to return the favor." He licked his lips before continuing. "I want you to lick my navel like it's the bottom of a peanut butter jar. Oh, and one more thing," he said almost shyly, if you can believe that. "I'd like to wear your panties."
You've got to be kidding me. He had me up until the panties part.
The entire time he was standing at the side of the bed giving me instructions, I was face to face with the baby hooded cobra (apparently his parents didn't believe in circumcision). And I thought, I've been seeing this man for some time now. We've spent lots of time talking, laughing and getting to know each other. We've become friends. I admired his mind, his intellect, his drive. I was taken with his personality. His good-heartedness. I'd waited until I was sure that he was the one for me before embarking on a sexual relationship. And this is what I get? You fall into bed with a man before you get to know him and you lose. You wait until you've established a solid foundation with a man before you fall into bed with him and ... you lose.
I weighed my options. Either I could cuff the old boy and give him the slap and tickle he so wanted, or I could get the hell out of there and make it home just in time for reruns of Friends and a Valium.
Friends was hilarious, and the Valium calmed my nerves. As I drifted off to sleep that night, I laughed at the irony of my situation. I guess in love and sex there really is no right or wrong way to approach things. You just have to take each experience as it comes and learn from it. In this case, I learned that belly-button-licking and panty sharing are not a few of my favorite things.