GRAY MATTERS

We're not sure what this means for her legacy, but Rep. Cynthia McKinney, D-Ga., recently introduced the Tupac Amaru Shakur Records Collection, a congressional bill modeled after the John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Collection Act. Shakur died on September 13, 1996, six days after being shot as he and Marion "Suge" Knight, a rap music mogul and former UNLV defensive lineman, drove on Koval Lane. The murder remains unsolved.

Quoting from Wikipedia: Shakur "is a highly influential, best-selling American hip-hop artist, considered by many to be one of the greatest and most legendary rappers of all time." McKinney says in a release that the bill is important because "all government records related to the life and death of Tupac Amaru Shakur should be preserved for historical and governmental purposes."

McKinney was re-elected to a sixth term this fall, three years after losing the seat over fallout from her fiery criticism of the Bush administration's rush to war and her father's anti-Semitic remarks.

At least two North Las Vegas residents have been victimized by phone scammers who claim they are cops looking to identify a person killed in a traffic accident, according to North Las Vegas police.

"The (phone) victim is asked to call a police officer, which begins with the 111## code. They will explain that the extra numbers are needed because it is a special phone line)," according to the NLVPD. "Using the four-digit code before dialing a number gives the phone at the number called total control of the number dialed from. In other words, the person relinquishes control of their phone account. The scammers can use the phone to make long-distance calls or do other things, all charged to the victim."

From a study based on "an exclusive analysis of 6,000 bits of data" by Self magazine, Las Vegas has been named the "Smokiest City" and the "Most Stressed City." Color us surprised. (Insert quick satisfying drag off of another frigging cigarette here, goddammit! Hurry! We don't have all freakin' day!)

Here's how other cities ranked in the bits-o-data survey:

• Best Breasts (most mammograms and clinical breast exams): Albany-Schenectady-Troy, New York

• Best Skin (fewest sunburns): Nashville, Tennessee

• Unsavviest Sex: Sioux Falls, South Dakota (How'd they poll for that one?)

• Least Safe: Detroit, Michigan

• Vainest: West Palm Beach-Boca Raton, Florida.

• Fittest: Seattle, Washington

• Best Eaters: Ventura, California

• Worst Eaters: Huntington, West Virginia, Ashland, Kentucky

• Best Environment: Tucson, Arizona

• Worst Environment: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

• Healthiest Hearts: Anchorage, Alaska

• Unhealthiest Hearts: Sarasota-Bradenton, Florida

• Least Smoky: Orange County, California

"Chicago, home to North America's biggest convention center, the 2.2 million-square-foot (204,000-square-meter) McCormick Place, hasn't been the No. 1 U.S. convention city since 1993. The city hosted 18 major trade shows last year, its worst showing in at least 15 years and less than half the 38 for Las Vegas, according to data from Tradeshow Week, a Los Angeles-based journal focusing on the exhibition industry."

"Sure, Sesame Street has touched on the theme of racism, but in Avenue Q you have puppets and people singing 'Everyone's a Little Bit Racist.' Being true to yourself is something Bert and Ernie might talk about, but probably not with songs such 'If You Were Gay' and 'I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today."

We interrupt this Gray Matters column for a preview of Menopause: The Musical, the Broadway hit about "The Change" that might be the hot ticket when it arrives at the Hilton in February. The score features 26 pop ditties, with specially-written lyrics by Jeanie Linders, to wit (or half-wit, depending on your gender, age and sense of humor):

• Sung to "We're Having a Heat Wave": I'm having a hot flash / A tropical hot flash / My personal summer /Is really a bummer / I'm having a hot flash / Comes on like a car crash / No warning just hot flash / Outside it is nippy / But I'm hot and drippy / I'm having a hot flash

• To "The Lion Sleeps Tonight": In the guest room / Or on the sofa / My Husband sleeps at night

• To "California Girls": I wish we all could be sane and normal girls

• To "The Shoop Shoop Song": If you wanna know / Where the fat grams go / It's on my hips.

• To "Lookin' For Love in All the Wrong Places": Packin' on pounds / Where I Don't Have Spaces

And what Beach Boys classic is the melody for a rhapsodic poem in praise of the art of self-pleasuring with a battery-operated implement? Why, it's "Good Vibrations," of course.

Warmed up for Menopause yet? We now return you to your regularly scheduled Gray Matters column.

The New York Post is reporting that CBGB's is considering relocating from New York City to Desert Passage at the Aladdin.

Best known for the graffiti and filth of its bathroom, the club in the '70s was the birthplace of American punk including famous groups like the Ramones and many others who remain more obscure, like Richard Hell and The Voidoids.

If there is one institution that should and could never go Vegas, it is CBGBs. To those of us here who love the legendary punk club and respect its history, let's hope Las Vegas gets no closer to the CBGBs experience than the doors of the Double Down.