2005 Deconstructed

Best Joke: Stop us if you've heard this one: The Las Vegas Monorail. Technically, a joke is funny to the degree it exploits the disjunction between the expected and the actual. With its high hopes and low performance, the monorail fit that dynamic precisely.

Best Passage from National Media about Vegas: Steven Wynn barking at a Vanity Fair reporter, "I don't give a shit what you write. I have no control over it."

Best Passage from National Media About Harry Reid: From a New Yorker profile, describing Reid's fund-raising calls. "In two out of three calls, he had to identify himself several times before the recipient figured out who he was."

Best Media Mistake: Time named Kenny Guinn one of the nation's five best governors. Nothing says maintaining specious political balance in our best-governors package like this.

• Tim McDarrah: The former Sun gossip columnist, called to the big leagues as an editor and columnist at Us Weekly, was busted for allegedly soliciting sex online from what he thought was a 13-year-old girl. Transcripts of his e-mails were stomach-churning.

• Vin Suprynowicz: Writing about "the most disturbing thing I saw on television" during the Katrina coverage, the R-J columnist put a smackdown on welfare recipients for believing that "the cash redistribution agency known as government" owed them assistance.

• CityLife's "red shoe" cover: To illustrate a July article on walkable communities, the gritty little alt-weekly down the street ran what appeared to be 1989 clip art of a red sneaker. Now, CityLife has taken its shots at Weekly covers recently, but this isn't about retaliation—the red shoe's lameness transcends petty aesthetic disagreements.

Worst Re-Designation of Something Already Adequately Designated: Perhaps sensing that "Arts District" didn't sound trendy enough in this Centennial year, the city decided to rename the Arts District "18b," a reference to the block's original designation. Almost no one uses it.

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"I think this guy is a loser."

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"Jim Gibbons frightens me. I don't think he's very bright. I really don't. I don't think he's got very many great leadership qualities."

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"This is the Law and Order and Terror government . . . And it has just proved that it cannot save its citizens from a biological weapon called standing water."

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Although [Harry] Reid prides himself on rural authenticity, he comes acrosss on television as a long-lost Smothers Brother."

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"Every hotel in Las Vegas is an aesthetic disaster."

Person of the Year: Andre Agassi, and not just for those commericials that help make minivans seem ... well, if not cool, at least less uncool. No, he gets our nod in part for his age-defying performance at the U.S. Open this summer. At 35 the oldest Grand Slam finalist in three decades, Agassi overcame a bad back and a trio of consecutive five-setters to reach the finals, losing to Roger Federer in a classic match. "For a man who might be playing the senior tour, this was by any marker a phenomenal feat," wrote Neil E. Schlecht in an appreciation on the tournament's official website. So that was part of it. As for the rest: You may have heard about his foundation and charter school, which do incredible work with underprivileged kids.

A few weeks after the Federer match, I had dinner with my mother-in-law. "I really rooted for Agassi to win in the U.S. Open," she said.

"I didn't know you followed tennis," I answered.

"I don't, really," she said, "but he's done so much for this town."

Best Addition to Las Vegas: Unbridled, worldwide, cash-pouring-in fame.

Second Best Addition to Las Vegas: The period after "Wynn" on the top of the Wynn hotel.

Third Best Addition to Las Vegas: World Furniture Market, aesthetically, economically.

Most Dubious and Yet Perfect Plans for an Addition to Las Vegas: Hooters Hotel.

Most Annoying Addition to Las Vegas: Ten thousand neighborhood magazines that arrive in the mail and include only advertising.

Most Exciting but as yet Unrealized Additions to Las Vegas: The big-name architects designing buildings for MGM-Mirage's Project CityCenter (Rafael Vinoly, Sir Norman Foster, Adam Tihany) and a Downtown Alzheimer's center (Frank Gehry), all announced this year.

Attempted Severed-Digit Scam of the Year: When Las Vegan Anna Ayala claimed to have found a severed fingertip in her chili at a Wendy's in San Jose, California, something smelled worse than the complimentary onions. You just know that in the modern fast-food world, you're not going to find a body part in your food without being charged extra. And it turned out to be a hoax, with Brian Rossiter, a friend of Ayala's husband, supplying the fingertip, thanks to an industrial accident. Besieged by the media, Rossiter hid in a bar and invited patrons to shake "the most famous hand in America."

• $300,000-plus: Median home price.

• 38th, 40th: Rank, in percentiles, of scores in reading and math according to 2005 testing of Clark County's 10th graders—a five percentile drop in both cases.

• $627,209: Amount demanded by Centennial sponsor Clear Channel for expenses related to free Red Hot Chili Peppers show.

• 800-plus: Number of stagnant pools reportedly cleaned by county workers battling West Nile virus.

Best Recognition of the Obvious: Once considered a Democratic front-runner in the race for governor, Richard Perkins—perhaps taking stock of his lackluster performance in this year's Legislature—sensed that the ground remained unswelled with support, and bowed out of the campaign.

... Noble Public Employee: Lori Wohletz, the city environmental officer who resigned (effective this week) after refusing to keep quiet about the drawbacks in the Billy Walters golf-course scandal.

... Sadly Memorable National Event: FEMA's response to Katrina.

... Disgustingly Memorable National Event: The Michael Jackson trial.

... Memorable local event: The opening of Wynn Las Vegas.

... Notable New Local Radio Show: The Steve Bornfeld Experience, Fridays, 4-6 pm, 970-AM. Yeah, he works for the Weekly. So what.

... Perplexing Non-Occurance: Astounding first-rate journalism still not practiced here consistently.

Best Night on the Town in 2005: Call it a perfect storm of a night. When your job requirements include a cast-iron liver and an ability to function on little to no sleep (nodding off in the Peppermill's Fireside Lounge at 5 a.m. doesn't count), all the club events, parties and plain ol' regular nights tend to form a smear across my consciousness like a paté-encrusted cocktail napkin. But February 3 saw all possible variables swirl together. It was the opening performance and 12-hour-long party for Kà combined with an impromtu high-school reunion of a dozen internationally flung friends (from Hong Kong and Manchester to Edmonton and Phoenix), and a last-minute drop-in of a pals from San Francisco. Nearly naked French-Canadians, photo-ops for NapkinNights.com, bottles at the now-defunct Seven, gawking at Gilley's, a limo ride and a lost credit card at Spearmint Rhino. You just can't get any more Vegas than that.

Best PR stuff we got: One-foot cardboard cutout of Liberace wearing shorts and knee-highs.

Most obvious amoral proposition to solve that pesky water issue: Suck out the groundwater from the northern cow counties!

... All Local Governments United Around a Single Plan for the Homeless (County Manager Thom Reilly)

... of Deepening Cynicism. "Pathetic rebates. Corruption conviction. Scandals in local government, airport. Will set stage for this to be exploited in Campaign '06."(Pundit Jon Ralston)

... of Oscar Goodman. "He has become a celebrity, which is perfect for a Las Vegas mayor." (Jeff Beacher, creator of Beacher's Madhouse.)

Best Show and Tell: In May, Metro officers brought to a City Council meeting the 12,000 condoms seized from the Del Mar Motel, suspected of being a prostitution haven.

Worst Trend: Sudoko. We hate it. Because we can't stop doing it.

Notable Fashion Trend: Tall black boots, short skirts.

Most Difficult Distinction to Make in 2005: Hey, is she a hooker or a conservative girl dressed stylishly?

Worst Fashion Trend: Beatles' haircuts.

• The plot near McCarran, sold to developer Scott Gragson, presumably with a deed restriction limiting its use to being a cemetary. When he was able to rezone part of it to a more lucrative use, a flap resulted.

• The Royal Links golf course, which developer Billy Walters nearly managed to flip into a housing tract at a huge profit, until the deal was put on hold as officials probed its legality.

• The 61 acres Downtown, which lost its master developer, the Related Co., this year.

Tipping Point of 2005: Dozens of tourists tipped over the side of the Stratosphere on a new ride, stuck for 90 minutes dangling over the Strip in the whipping wind. No one is seriously harmed.

Most Notable Entrepreneurial Thought: There's a littttle more room for another thrill ride atop the Stratosphere!

• Speaking to a class of fourth-graders at Jo Mackey Elementary, Mayor Oscar Goodman is asked what he'd take to a desert island. His answer: gin. Frenzy of tsk-tsking ensues.

• Wynn Las Vegas' opening night in April was marred when a resort executive, J.C. Campbell—allegedly drunk—ran his car into a Porsche outside the hotel, then tried to drive away, dragging a Metro officer. his wife, Lisa Clearwater Campbell, a City Council aide, allegedly tried to use her position to intimidate the cops.

• Pundit Jon Ralston busted for DUI.

• Don't provoke an angry mom, whether she's Cindy Sheehan or Mother Nature.

• It is possible, after all, to overcome being called Pinkie as a child in Searchlight and become a big thorn in the side of a U.S. president.

• $300 in your pocket is worth more than $300 million in the budget.

• You no longer need to be a rich donor to get the attention of Congress; you can also be in a persistent vegitative state.

• You can mix French and ranch dressing on an iceberg lettuce salad!

Centennial Highlight: Easy: Red Hot Chili Peppers rocked. Close second: The leftover Official Cake—fed to pigs.

Centennial Lowlight: Easy: the official time capsule. Two words: Denny's menu. Close second: In June, the city put out an emergency call for couples ready to get married—not enough couples signed up for the official "100 weddings" stunt.

Why We're Looking Forward to 2011: Actual centennial. (Las Vegas was incorporated as a city in 1911.)

Compiled by Stacy J. Willis and Scott Dickensheets.