THE DREAM ZONE |
with Lauri Quinn Loewenberg My husband keeps dreaming that I get killed. Once his dad killed me, then I got killed by a drunk driver. He and our newborn baby, which was 5 in the dream, come to my grave every day and cry. This is really scaring me!
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I've been in a relationship for three and a half years. It started out OK but then became abusive. After standing up for myself many times, the hitting stopped almost altogether. Now it's the verbal abuse that peppers our day-to-day communication. At first I would not say anything back but now I catch myself saying some really mean things and since I'm the main provider, I can't bring myself to leave.
When we separate overnight, all I do is think of her and want to call her to come home. She does a lot of drugs and drinks even more. I would love to have kids someday but know it can't happen with her living this destructive life. I feel very ugly and don't believe any woman will ever accept me. I'm lost and confused. Do you see any light at the end of this long, dark tunnel?
Dear GLG,
There will be no light at the end of this tunnel if you think this relationship is all you deserve. This is not love.
Real love between two spirits allows you to feel more like yourself. Your girlfriend doesn't love herself; and since a real connection starts with each person having a strong sense of self, this is not a partnership (or soul-connection) of equals.
She not only blames you for her station in life, but also escapes (you and herself) with drugs and alcohol. People in loving relationships aren't supposed to delight in upsetting one another; this woman has little regard for how her behavior affects you. There is no real intimacy here—she's figured out how to keep you supporting her and doing the bare minimum to keep that going. The quicker you find the support you need to leave her, the quicker your real soul connection will materialize.
By the way, I don't think this woman is really gay. She may flirt and play the "game" of a gay woman, but this current lifestyle was born from a reaction to a man in her past. Her affections would switch in a minute if a free ride were offered from a man. The anger of that ancient pain thwarts her from any real connection with anyone.
You naturally have a much deeper definition of love than most and you deserve the on-going melody of a woman who is ready for all the levels of partnership. The woman I see you with will have dark hair and dark eyes. She's a quiet woman and has accomplished a great deal on her own. She's not flirty, instead waiting for the person worthy of her affection. You'll discover that you both have the same goals very soon after you meet. The cards say you've already met her, but with all the stress of your current situation you haven't really "seen" her.
It's up to you to decide that you deserve a much more loving partnership, which is why I'm encouraging a few visits with a good therapist to give you the tools to extricate yourself. The sessions are for you, not couples counseling. The woman in your life has many years to go before she's ready to get help; you need to realize that it's not up to you to fix her. Right now, there's not enough love in the world to do that for her. Her path to love begins when she recognizes that you left her because of her behavior.
It's said that anything we criticize about another is actually what we really don't like about ourselves. All those hurtful, nasty things she's said to you are really aspects of her own character that she loathes. She even got you believing you're ugly and don't deserve a loving relationship. I'm reminding you—that's her crap, not yours. She's using "love" to get you to do what she wants. When you disconnect from her baggage and not allow her actions or words to affect you, you'll get your power (a.k.a. strong sense of self) back. From that aspect springs the loving relationship you deserve.
Mona Van Joseph is a licensed professional in the psychic arts through the city of Las Vegas. You may e-mail questions to [email protected].