There is no such thing as Murphy's Law; it's now Marino's Law. Today was crazy. First thing is that I've been waiting for my movie premiere tickets to come FedEx, and they still haven't arrived. After quite a few phone calls and some investigating, I come to find out my tickets are in Idaho somewhere. So, some lady in Idaho is going to be invited to a very fancy premiere in LA. I hope she knows how to dress accordingly. Actually, they found them and they are going to have them sent to my hotel in LA tomorrow.
But that was just the start of the day. Next, I called Nurielle in the Fashion Show Mall, who designed my dress for the red-carpet premiere of Miss Congeniality 2 in LA, which I have a role in, portraying myself, a Las Vegas drag diva. The dress was all done. But the shawl wasn't back yet. When I originally got the shawl in the mail, I wanted it to be flashier. So I sent it back to get more rhinestones added, and it was supposed to be back today. But it wound up not coming until 4 p.m. and I had to pick it up on the way to work. And for most of the day I wasn't sure if it would arrive at all.
So by the time I got to the gym, 24 Hour Fitness, I was totally stressed out. And then it got worse; this guy was talking about plastic surgery and used me as the model, pointing to my face and going, "You see where you have those lines. ..." I could have died. I would love to be a model, but not for that. I immediately got on the phone with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Goesel Anson, and begged her to put some Restylane in my face. But she was booked solid, and I wound up pleading: "I have the movie premiere tomorrow." She agreed to see me as an emergency, and that made me feel a lot better. I then arrived at work after picking up my shawl and gown, but when I go to try it all on to make sure everything is perfect, I put my foot through the train, which is made of a see-through mesh, and I thought I totally ruined it so now I am freaking out and calling my seamstress to put the dress back together before I make my trip to LA.
The best part of the day was that La Cage, the show in which I have been starring in for the last 20 years, was sold out and we had a great audience, which was the perfect send-off for a week that I won't be there. After the show, my partner, Shannon Schechter, and I finally get in the car to start heading to LA—the sound track to The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert is going as we begin to take our road trip. Anyway, I am happy to be at the end of this total crazy day that I hope gets a lot better when I get to California. Oh God, I just hope I didn't forget to bring anything.
So, I am finally in Hollywood, hopefully I'll become a big star—joking! Anyway, after last night's road trip, I now know how Paris Hilton feels on The Simple Life. Actually, I didn't get much sleep before I had to rush to do the Leeza Gibbons radio show. I know her from when I did a few appearances back when she had a TV show. Leeza is one of the nicest people in show business.
Afterwards, I had lunch with an agent, and I could barely pay attention because I was so exhausted from the car ride. Then it was back to Wyndham Bel Age to the hotel gym and then Celebrity Bingo. They do it every week, and this time I was the celebrity guest. I wore my Bob Mackie miniskirt with a big ruffled cape that I had made for the event. I must say that the audience absolutely loved me. Afterwards, Shannon and I went to a deli, where my eyes started to close from exhaustion. But as we were returning to our hotel we ran into Oliver Stone in the valet, and he knew exactly who I was from Vegas, which was really cool. I must say that I've never been this tired in my entire life, though, and tomorrow is the big day of the premiere. If I weren't so tired I'd be a nervous wreck.
Today was a total Frank Marino day. I had a limo from sunrise to sunset. I went to the Beverly Hills Hotel and had a facial, manicure, pedicure and a massage, and then directly off to the premiere of Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I've walked the red carpet many times in Las Vegas for show openings but never experienced anything like this.
There are literally a thousand cameras going off simultaneously as they scream your name out like a wall of thunder. I did interviews with Entertainment Tonight, Extra, Access Hollywood, TV Guide Channel and CNN. Then I took pictures with James Denton, the sexy-hot plumber from Desperate Housewives. Sandra Bullock was telling all of the reporters she was my date, but I was in drag. ... Well, it is confusing.
As we were walking the red carpet together, I had an evil thought. I admit I am a media whore, and it passed through my mind what would happen if I were just to tackle Sandra Bullock to the ground in front of all of the press. I imagined just throwing the bitch to the floor and straddling her in full drag in front of all that press. I can see the headlines now: "Miss Congeniality Beat Up." PS: I would never do that. Still it would have taken the press off of Michael Jackson and Scott Peterson for a few minutes.
Sandra is extremely businesslike and very focused on what she does. I think the big stars have to be. It was an experience for me making the movie and having to be in by 6 a.m. to be in full makeup by 7:30. It was so time-consuming. Some nights we didn't get done until 11. And for the star it is all you do for months. I've grown spoiled with my one hour on stage each night in Las Vegas. As far as I am concerned, those big stars that get $20 million a picture earn every cent.
Immediately following the premiere, I went to the afterparty. It was just crazy. There were some drag queens performing, fitting the theme of the movie. They were all coming up to get their picture taken with me and get my autograph. Although mostly I hung out with Regina King, one of the stars of the movie.
As Regina and I were talking, she told me about a funny coincidence that happened last time she was in Vegas while visiting her friend, basketball star Gary Peyton. She pulled up to his house and saw a big billboard next to it reading: "Future Home Site of Frank Marino." I couldn't resist, being the PR guru that I am. I actually bought the whole block and sold one of the parcels to him. Regina was so excited and told Gary that she was a good friend of mine as well and had just finished doing a movie with me and Sandra Bullock.
By the way, just a quick footnote (no pun intended): Cosmetic surgery is not nearly as painful as walking in heels for eight hours. It is true what they say, the ladder of success is even harder to climb when you're wearing high heels, and tonight I feel like a success.
Today was supposed to be my day off, and I was deciding what to do when I got a call from Sandra Bullock's PR people. Sandra was getting her star on Hollywood Boulevard today, and we were invited to the ceremony. To fill the time before then, Shannon and I went shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and left them a lot of my money. We should have gone gambling in Vegas; it would have been a lot cheaper.
We got to Sandra's star ceremony at 3 p.m. and the media were all over the place, thanks to the hype of Miss Congeniality. Then there was yet another amazing afterparty that lasted from 4 until midnight, and we stayed for the entire thing. It was unbelievable. It was in an old warehouse that they had transformed into an chic nightclub. I met every star in the world tonight. They were all there: Ben Affleck, Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro and Matthew Mcconaughey. Everywhere I turned there were stars, stars, stars. I was just dying.
And then it happened. I met Barbra Streisand!
She was smaller and skinnier than I expected. The electricity around her was amazing. In a room filled with stars, she was the STAR. I only got to meet her for a second, but that was enough for me to get through life. I should have gotten the Academy Award for acting like I wasn't starstruck in front of her. I said something like, "Very nice to meet you." But meanwhile I was breaking into a sweat. Now I am excited to get home, because I can't wait to tell everyone that I met her. It was definitely a Hollywood night to remember.
This morning, I met with my agent at Rebel Entertainment to discuss my idea for a reality TV show for me based on The Simple Life. But we also came up with this one idea of drag queens all locked into a house and having to perform different tasks each week. I would star and do eliminations until there was a winner.
Shannon and I then drove to Palms Springs for the White Party, a huge circuit party with over 10,000 gay men. And I had my own benefit show to do at a nightclub before that for the Gay and Lesbian Elder Housing (it will be a retirement home for older gay people, and they need to raise $18.5 million for the building that they are doing).
I also did an interview with Q Television, which is a new gay-themed network that is available through satellite. I got to work into the interview that I was Las Vegas' longest-running headliner, how I just received my star on the Las Vegas Walk of Fame and that the mayor proclaimed February 1, 2005, Frank Marino Day. After that, I rushed back to my hotel to change out of makeup to go to the party.
It turns out that 10,000 gay men partying in a convention center was like one of those stereotypical over-the-top movies. And so, of course, I stayed until 3 am. It was a great ending for an amazing trip.
I've got to say that Hollywood is really great for the people at the top, or for someone like myself, who got to impersonate a movie star for just a few days. But I would never trade Las Vegas for Hollywood for anything because like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, "There's no place like home."