ARIES
(March 21-April 20)
There's a tiny daisy sitting right outside your door. You pass it by on your way to work, shopping and all the unimportant things you "have" to do. It stares up at you, smiling its heart out, but you never notice in your rush to get to Important Places. Now that I've called your attention to it, you'll probably want to pull it up. (Isn't "whack" a harsh word?) Before you do, could you stop and recognize the weedy little soul reaching up to say "I like you"? If you do, your day—your whole week—could get better. Also, a relationship goes to a whole new level when you stop to smell the flowers. Love: yourself; Career: rising; Health: in the pink.
TAURUS
(April 21-May 21)
Strangers from other worlds enter yours after the weekend, so you might want to keep an eye on interesting people in turbans, caftans, saris, mudcloth and T-shirts reading: "I Heart Horoscope Readers." Just a warning, however, since most bulls are only comfortable with their hooves on solid ground: You may also encounter strangers with large, luminous eyes and gray skin, because the full Moon on Monday squares Uranus, planet of the kinky. These oddballs are easy to spot. They could be publishers, professors or travel agents. If they try to sell you a one-way ticket to Glupta, in the galaxy of Fonkalu, turn tail and run like hell. Love: always; Career: churning; Health: robust.
GEMINI
(May 22-June 21)
Last week you pulled a rabbit from an old, moth-eaten hat. Then your living-room ceiling fell in after one rainstorm too many. But the endless coughing spell finally subsided and your career took on Paula (born June 19) Abdul-like proportions. This week the rabbits will multiply and your bank may call to inform you that, as their one-thousandth new customer of the month, you will shortly receive a new toaster. You've been chosen "It" in the Game of Life, twins, go figure. Just keep moving forward, multiplying the good luck that is finally coming your most deserving way, and being YOU! (Unless you've made other plans). Love: steady; Career: you're the new American Idol! Health: improving.
CANCER
(June 22-July 22)
A Saturn quincunx with Pluto starts Monday, making you testier than usual—like a semi-wide stuck on the highway during Friday rush hour. But instead of gunning down the guy in the car behind you, turn on the jazz channel and pretend you're in a nightclub sipping cognac, contemplating sex with the saxophonist. Soon, the struggle of nearly three years that's tried your patience, your conscience and your sanity will end. When crusty old Saturn throws his backpack over his shoulder and announces, "Hasta La Vista, jerk. I'm goin' over to Leo's!" on July 17, crabs everywhere will rejoice. Love: any day; Career: working; Health: fine.
LEO
(July 23-Aug. 23)
Romance takes center stage this Monday. But make certain the object of your affection understands where you're coming from. With Neptune in Aquarius going retrograde until October 26, you don't want to make promises you can't keep. You could take a liking to a pink panther, but black could be back by the late fall. So be careful not to deceive yourself and a pretty pussycat with sharp claws. Also: creative career is on the burner. Heat it up by letting your imagination go wild. People will be drawn to you because you look like you're expecting art, sex and money. Love: fun; Career: hot; Health: perking right along.
VIRGO
(Aug. 24-Sept. 22)
Sitting in the Stardust Chapel, Virgo, thinking of you; how you've loved and lost, and now you're loved and found. Yes, the flowers are fake, and outside Don McLean croons "American Pie." But here in this comforting little room, Venus trines your birth sign and there's a perfumed promise in the air. With Neptune going retrograde, even now you're pondering if you've made the right choice. I know I don't have to remind you, of all people, that elopement at this moment is not recommended. But don't let the naysayers and squares get you down (unless it's on one knee). Love: hopeful; Career: protected; Health: just fine
LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
When the Moon hits your eye this weekend, it's a pizza pie for two. You'd better order an XL since you and your significant other (or soon-to-be-sweetie) will be plenty hungry. With Jupiter still not direct in your birth sign, however, eat slowly. Speak of high hopes and expect flowers. But skip the jalapenos until June 5. Throw caution to the wind this week: Expect heartburn. And don't ignore finances. Tuesday's full Moon could bring a surprise, so be prepared. It could mean good news (or bad, if you're not). Love: 'tweet; Career: building; Health: precious, so be good to yourself.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the cute chicken on the other side! You do have to take action if you hope to meet The One, so please get out your Cute Chicken outfit and hightail it to the road, the club or the mall. It's time. As for finances, I feel I must mention to Scorpio Ken, who works at the Java bar in the Stardust: You might want to think about taking a vacation. You looked a little bored the night I was in, and you could win that fortune you asked about in another town, especially Monday and Tuesday, which offer good financial prospects for all you stingers. Love: magnetic; Career: striding; Health: renewed
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 23-Dec. 20)
Can we talk about Uranus? That's the quick-change planet. It exerts its zany effect on you Monday when it makes a wide square to the full Moon in your birth sign. Stock up on helmets, knee pads and biblical quotations with which to combat the crazies careening by. When it's over you'll have learned evasive moves that will astound you, and some great new zingers with which to clobber Ann Coulter and the religious right. You'll also be caught up in a Saturn-Pluto quincunx, starting today. I know, it's a mouthful, a cranky aspect lasting about a month. Do what you can to avoid jail. Love: spooky; Career: hopeful; Health: holding up.
CAPRICORN
(Dec. 21-Jan. 20)
With Neptune in reverse, you'll create your own bliss in coming months and believe you'll succeed doing it. That's the point the planet of mysticism and fantasies is trying to project, if you'll just tune it in. You'll dash the old programming of people who never understood that you have a special destiny, which is to create and to be totally original. Don't listen to others' negative opinions; listen to the messages the Universe is sending you, such as: "You're gifted. You're going forward." And: "You're already a success!" Love: everywhere; Career: yours, for the making; Health: cooperative.
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 21-Feb. 18)
There are five kinds of rattlesnakes in Nevada. Your own personal five include the friendly woman with odd hair who flirted with you in Burger King, the new landlord who wants to be "friends," the fare who just wants to stop off at the bank to make a deposit, the cousin who'll pay you back "for sure, next month" and the bottle under the kitchen sink you could've sworn you emptied out. Could it be that Neptune, in your sign, just turned retrograde today, until October 6? Cut back on seductively seedy watering holes with smoke and mirrors. They often harbor snakes in the loos. Love: why not? Career: safe; Health: whatever.
PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20)
With your ruler, Neptune, going retrograde today, the tides are about to turn, and I hope you've brought your scuba gear. You'll go deeper than ever. Take some wide goggles so you can look around your new dreamscape, littered with fluorescent creatures swooping by in stripes and polka dots. Some may bump into you, and voila! Love is born. Creative work will be easy—you can get lost in your new world, but it's a happy thing. Glance sideways occasionally. There are sharks out there, as well as pretty fish. Some of these dangerous denizens are in the tank you call "the office." Love: new; Career: stay sharp; Health: skip the fried calamari.
Martha Woodworth, Las Vegas astrologer and psychic, is the founder of the Psychic Learning Center and does private readings by telephone, e-mail and in person. Reach her at 866-6682 or lasvegaspsychic.netfirms.com.