I've always believed it's important to have your priorities in order.
Different people have different levels of priorities to consider, of course. For me, keeping my priorities in order means remembering to put the coffee filter in before adding scoops of Maxwell House each morning. The rest of my day is basically reacting, usually in a panic, to whatever happens next (especially if coffee is spilling all over the floor).
This is one reason I could never be mayor. (Sure, there are thousands of others, too, but fortunately for me, I don't have enough space here to present them in detail). So, I was naturally a little surprised to hear Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman say he, too, had priority issues.
"Instead of really being concerned about the important things, like picking football winners, I've been messing around trying to make this a better city," His Honor told me last week.
Last year, Goodman's record of picking winners against the point spread—better than 55 percent—would have made for a fine approval rating as he defeated the field of celebrities to win the Golden Nerf.
And last week, he did pick two winners, including Monday's huge rally by Indianapolis (the Colts had to win by more than 13 to cover the spread and trailed 17-0 early, but rallied to cover). One problem: That matched his win total for the first five weeks—combined. Goodman has a solid grasp on last place with a 4-14 mark against the point spread. Imagine what would happen if he only made the right decision on city matters 22 percent of the time.
"It would probably lead to the quickest and most successful recall in the state's history," Goodman said.
Even though he is the self-proclaimed happiest mayor in the world, I felt a need to cheer him up by putting a positive spin on things.
"Actually, sir, going 4-14 is pretty impressive. If the point spread is designed to make every game's outcome a virtual coin-flip, then the odds of picking 18 games and getting exactly four correct is more than 86-to-1," I told him.
So much for positive spin. OK, so Johnny Peptalk I'm not. Still, Goodman was unfazed by my gloomy recap of his predictions, even pointing out that he wished he could hit a parlay card with an 86-to-1 payoff.
"There are still 11 weeks left. My goal is to win 33 straight and keep the Golden Nerf, which is near and dear to my heart. I keep it displayed in City Hall, you know, and I make everyone who visits me not only look at it, but touch it and kiss it," he said.
Wonder what that does to one's approval rating. In any case, if you're wondering—the odds on picking 33 straight point-spread winners are a mere 8.6 billion to 1.
My picks: I'll take the Seahawks -3 over the Cowboys, the Chiefs -1 over the Dolphins and the Raiders-Bills game over 40.
Lance Burton (6-12)
Falcons -7 vs. Jets
Browns -3 vs. Lions
Cardinals -3 vs. Titans
Danny Gans (6-12)
Chargers +4 at Eagles
Titans +3 at Cardinals
Broncos +2 at Giants
Oscar Goodman (4-14)
Colts -16 at Texans
Chargers +4 at Eagles
Redskins -11 1/2 vs. 49ers
Clint Holmes (8-9-1)
Chiefs -1 at Dolphins
Redskins -11 1/2 vs. 49ers
Bills +3 at Raiders
Kevin Janison (9-9)
Seahawks-Cowboys under 45 1/2
Raiders -3 vs. Bills
Bears-Ravens over 31
Mark & Mercedes (8-9-1)
Chargers +4 at Eagles
Ravens +1 at Bears
Browns -3 vs. Lions
Wayne Newton (12-6)
Chargers +4 at Eagles
Lions +3 at Browns
Colts-Texans under 46
Penn & Teller (6-12)
Steelers +1 1/2 at Bengals
Eagles -4 vs Chargers
Falcons -7 vs. Jets
Rita Rudner (9-8-1)
Seahawks -3 vs. Cowboys
Eagles -4 vs. Chargers
Ravens +1 at Bears
Sal DeFilippo can really move outside of the pocket before tossing that pigskin.