Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper and paper beats rock. This much we all know, but what many people don't realize is that Rock Paper Scissors is said to date back to East Africa, when prehistoric man needed a way to settle everyday disputes (although we imagine it didn't involve scissors and paper). RPS has always been a hit with pre-teens, but over the years it has also become somewhat of an underground sport, complete with strict rules (which vary from country to country) and championship tournaments.
Yes, championship tournaments.
Even though I had done my research and knew that some people take the game very seriously, I wasn't prepared for the circus at Sunday's Bud Light/U.S.A. Rock Paper Scissors League finals at the House of Blues. The good folks at Bud flew in more than 260 adult finalists, to go head-to-head—or, rather, fist-to-fist—for the grand prize of, get this, $50,000. Yep, that's a five followed by four zeroes for playing one of the silliest games on the planet. But that was just the tip of the insanity iceberg.
Many competitors dressed up—and I don't mean formal eveningwear. We're talking crazy face paint and Halloween-style costumes with colorful, flowing capes, oversized plastic scissor hats ... one person was even dressed as a big bottle of ketchup while his friend went as mustard. What ketchup and mustard have to do with Rock Paper Scissors I will never know, and I don't want to. Comedian Dave Attell emceed the packed event, and The Chopper made an appearance; he took to the ring (yes, there was an actual ring with ropes) where he lost ... twice ... to a girl. Hey, Chop, don't quit the day job.
Bud Light gave away beer all afternoon, making the event an impressive drunken free-for-all, where two fists was the rule, not the exception. There were reporters from magazines across the country and dozens of cameras poking into startled faces. The entire thing was absolutely ridiculous, pure cheese, but it's not often that you see so many adults having such a good time acting like children.
As for the actual matches, well, they weren't as exciting as some other sports and they flew by quickly, but a few of the top 16 finalists were plastered by the time they got into the ring, which made it that much more fun to watch. In the end, it was 31-year-old David McGill, a student from Omaha, Nebraska, who walked away with a check, trophy and the title of the United States' best Rock Paper Scissors player. Not too shabby for three minutes work.